Making the Switch

A lot of your comments from our last post got me thinking--it is really hard to switch from being a "high risk" infertility patient to a totally normal pregnant person. S. is having trouble doing this herself. Because in reality, she shouldn't have had "infertility"--she is 31, 30 when we started this, her cycles were perfect, her follicles and uterus perfect--there was clinically no reason why she couldn't get pregnant. But suddenly you do IVF and you are buttonholed into this bizarre high-risk category that we really want to get out of. In reality, we're minimalists when it comes to medical intervention. If it weren't for the infertility thing, we still would be.

So--how to you pick your hospital? Your midwife group? Or do you go with an actual OB because she knows what could happen to patients who conceive with IVF? I just don't know.

Our impression of our midwife group today was---pretty good, I would say. The midwife we talked to was super terrific--but there are 15 in that one practice, and we could have any one of them at any given appointment. I don't think the other midwife group we're interviewing operates that way, but I could be wrong. Also, we waited for like, 45 minutes, even though we had an appointment. We don't like that. But we acknowledge this is a big hospital and they are very busy.We were impressed by their stats, though--they deliver 400 babies per year (!) and out of those, have up to 9% c-section rate. Super-impressive. And a very low induction rate as well. They have a labor tub in the birthing center, but we haven't seen it yet and don't know if we'll like it as much as birthing center #1.

Ack!!!!

**Note: Yes, Stacey, you are totally right--I won't say "ACK!" anymore because it is a great decision to have to make. Hell, it's great we get to be the ones in charge of this decision in the first place!! I feel lucky to live in an area with so many great midwife practices and hospitals to choose from.

Today we went in for our last ultrasound at the R.E.'s office. It was kind of emotional for everyone, I think. We've grown pretty attached to our doctor, and most especially and nurses and ultrasound techs, throughout the past year. It was a nice way to leave though, of course, and the ideal way--pregnant!

Our scan today showed a 17mm pumpkin seed with a head, a spine, and a fast-beating heart (170!). A co-worker of S.'s is already predicting we're having a girl--apparently, she correctly predicted this of both herself and another co-worker based on heartbeats.

Now onto the scary part--interviewing OBs and midwives to figure out where we go next. Our doctor of course encouraged us to stay in our hospital, and kind of freaked us out. She claims babies conceived using IVF have a higher risk of preterm labor, even with a singleton, and since our hospital has the only NICU in the area, we should birth here. I've never heard this before and haven't found a ton of info on it on the web--anybody have experience with this or heard this before, IVF mammas? At any rate, we're going to meet with the group from our hospital tomorrow, then another one hopefully soon at another hospital we toured today. These birthing rooms were nicer than some hotel rooms we've stayed in, seriously, and the birthing tub was amazing! It really made up look forward to..well..everything.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Isn't it cute? Tell me it's not the most adorable blob with a heartbeat you have ever seen!
I am feeling sooo much calmer, but I'm not there yet. I'm pretty sure I'll be this way through 12 weeks, perhaps the entire pregnancy. I really do look forward to a time where I will relax and enjoy talking and gushing. So I've decided to wait to tell my extended family. I originally thought tomorrow, being Thanksgiving and 7 weeks and all, but I'm not ready. Christmas (and 12 weeks) will be here soon enough. What they don't know won't hurt them, right? I've just got to wait a little longer...sorry all. I'll be greedy though and continue to take all your positive vibes and good energy that you've been sending my way.

Happy Thanksgiving. This is a great time to be thankful. And I am.

Day of Reckoning

The day came. S.hardly ate. I felt like I had a lump of ice in my stomach all day and went to the bathroom about 4 times before noon (umm, I'm a nervous pooer--sorry, tmi, I know). Then the moment came, and we were glad to find out that it was our most favoritest wonderfulest awesomest ultrasound tech to ever set foot on the planet doing our ulatrasound. Already we felt better, but S.'s face started turning bright red (I've never seen her like this--it was intense, akin to when her father's vein in his forehead starts throbbing when he's about to explode). I felt like I was going to vomit.

And then, our ultrasound angel said it. "You are very pregnant." Tears. Disbelief. A visual--there it was. A strong heartbeat, a little 4mm squiggly thing attached to S.'s body and growing healthily (and hopefully happily). So right now we have a little pumpkin seed. We are relieved beyond all relief, happy beyond all happiness. We immediately jetted to the Big Book Store to peruse some baby books. We purchased one and are internet-researching the others (we are habitual half.com shoppers--we hate buying new books for cheapness and ecological reasons).

I am so glad that part is over. On to the next wait--next Thursday, which will be week 8 exactly, we have an appointment with our R.E. Then off into the unknown realm of OBs, one of which we do not have.

Yay.

Sorry folks - still no news. Longest hardest most heart-wrenching tww of my life. U/s Monday - until then I will speculate only to myself and only at 3:38 in the morning...and 3:39...3:40 and so on...

help and tmi

So...traumatic week...hanging on by a thread. We had blood Thursday night. This may be TMI for some, so stop reading if you need to; otherwise, I need my wise internets. A gush of bright-red blood. Not spotting, but not full-on period either. 3 wipes worth. Lasted an hour tops. No cramps. One very tiny 'clot' kind of tissue. I can't find much info that helps. I KNOW it could be nothing, but emotionally I can't wrap my head around it all. I had to leave school yesterday, couldn't hold it together. Needed to sleep and watch Little House on the Prairie (my favorite sick-day show - I love that french horn theme). RE's office says they can't do anything. Had previously scheduled u/s for Nov. 19th - that's when they'll see me next. I asked for a beta to see if anything has plateaued, nurse said it might not show us anything but I went today anyway. Nov. 19th seems soooo far away. ugh.

This was supposed to be the fun part. It's not fair. I've worked so hard to get here, I just want it to be easy.

*C's update:
The beta came back "normal" for where S. is in the pregnancy. We know this doesn't mean everything is normal, but it was very reassuring to know that something drastic had not necessarily happened. We're jittery but better and I'm sure the next week and a day will drag on to no end. Thanks, oh pregnancy sages, for your wise advice and encouragement!

Baby Books: Scaring the Bejeezus out of pregnant women everywhere

I think we made a mistake starting to read baby books already. They are only scaring us, especially the first three months stuff. I think it scared S. so much that she's now insisting we do another beta test. Maybe a bit on a paranoid side, but our doc told us we could if we want to, so we are. I think the main issue is that S. doesn't "feel" pregnant in the way we think of most pregnant women feeling. No nausea or vomiting (yet) or weird food cravings. She did have a weird aversion to her students' breath last week and no desire for a grilled cheese. She's also constipated as hell which I know is a pregnancy sign, so I'm proceeding cautiously with the assumption that S. is pregnant and will stay that way. Our ultrasound isn't for another two weeks--two weeks! Is that normal?? It seems so unbearably far away. But I know (from reading other pregnant lovely ladies' blogs) that the time will fly by and we'll quickly have our reassurance that everything is just fine.

Proof positive!

Beta results:
14 days past retrieval - 103
16 days past retrieval - 250

According to betabase we are looking A-OK, not that I'm ready to relax just yet.

Postaphobic

So just like I didn't want to get the phone call and relay the news to S., I don't want to write a post either. It's..complicated. See, here's the thing. We have a dilemma. It's a dilemma that this fine lady articulated far better than I ever could. The nice IVF nurse told my voicemail (because I heard my phone ring, then threw it down on the car seat and dashed into the market to buy a birthday cake for my mother-in-law) that the test is positive and the numbers look good. But it's two weeks to the day, people. Two weeks!! So, just like the aforementioned blogger, we're just too scared to say it out loud. But, being faithful bloggers, felt obliged to say it because we feel we owe it to all of you for being there for us. That being said...S. has a few words for you. (Hey, this is our first ever joint post! I think this is a momentous occasion on more than one level...)

Those of you whom I know in real life...I'm freaking out and am not ready to talk about it yet. I can't even type the word pregnancy. Let's wait a few weeks/months and then we'll explode with happiness together. It's too damn early. Please. But thank you for thinking those thoughts (keeping 'em coming) and for getting us this far, we really do love you.

OMG-I'm in a state of shock.