Sunday, December 23, 2007

Telling the Fam

Telling S.'s family about our pregnancy is going to be easy. We know they'll be supportive and excited. My family is a whole other story. I don't really talk to my father, due to the whole gay thing, and while the rest of my family is accepting, we don't really talk about 'us', as in me and S. as a unit, very much. We're just sort of there and that's that.

But of course when you're having a baby, you have to break that silence a little bit. So, yesterday, at my aunt's holiday party, I did. But first I went home to personally, and alone, tell my father about our baby.

It went better than expected.

Here's what I would have expected: screaming, swearing, praying, storming out of the house. Instead, I got: "OK. I don't know how I feel about that. I'll have to think about it." No screaming. No storming out of the house. And he still came to my aunt's party later on that day.

Progress? I'm not really sure. But he did hug me good-bye last night and, not that things were "normal," it just wasn't quite as awkward as I expected it to be. Weird. My grandmother seemed like she couldn't really give a crap, which is fine, as she is 94 and is sort of set in her ways. (I think maybe if I were the one pregnant, it would have been different.) I know she loves me and S. and that she'll love to have a new baby in the family once he or she arrives. The rest of the fam just seemed to "know"---or else I assumed they did, as people kept hugging us and telling us congratulations. So imagine my surprise at the end of the night when a bunch of my cousins still didn't know! (Thanks, cousin K. for keeping a good secret--love ya!) So, we got to tell them and I think they were happy for us and all that stuff's done with. For now.

I was really dreading yesterday all week. It made me irritable and emotional, but when the actual day came, I felt fine. I didn't cry, puke, go to the bathroom, or any of my normal reactions to such a nerve-wracking situation. So, yay for us, yay for me, and yay for only telling people who will be genuinely excited from now on.

And S. is now at 11 weeks. By the time Christmas comes and goes, we'll be at week 12. Oh my!


Jennifer said...

I'm sorry that you have to deal with that crap. It really makes me sad. Now, as a parent-in-the-making, can you imagine EVER not supporting your own child, no matter who they turn out to be? I have a friend whose mom won't talk to her anymore because she made the "choice" to be gay. It is just wrong. I hope your dad eventually "comes around" and accepts you and your family. It's exhausting to have to deal with this sorta stuff.

Laura said...

C.D., I'm so proud of you! A few years ago, this experience would have been much harder for you...look at how far you have come! And I'm sure alot of that has to do with having a fabulous lady like S.P. by your side.

Marcy "meg" said...

Well I am glad it went better than expected, but I am so sorry than any of us have to deal with this sort of thing. It seems there is always at least "one" in the family....Hopefully he will continue to come around for you guys!

Happy Holidays! Congrats on the almost 12 weeks! I will be 7 weeks when Christmas is over!

oneofhismoms said...

Yay! Yay! Yay! On all counts.

I'm not surprised that your father reacted more calmly than expected. Grandchildren are little miracle-workers. Not that your dad will ever be normal, but he'll probably be more barable. I'm just guessing.

Twelve weeks for us both! Wahhooo. Let's have our babies on the same day, ok?

Sara I said...

Merry Christmas, ladies! S., keep taking care of that precious little bambino inside you! C., I am so happy that headway has been made with your father. Let's try to get together soon.

Lo said...

so glad it went better than you expected. babies can melt a lot of's hoping Cutest Little Baby does just that.

Sarah said...

Good for you! It wasn't "fun" per se, but you did it and should be proud. Now you just get to keep telling nice, supportive people. Hope your dad gets calmer and calmer and comes around by the time baby arrives.

Stutterbug said...

thanks for sharing this! i have your blog posted on my site, as i found it through some other lesbian site, and have enjoyed reading it. my partner and i just found out she's pregnant.. woo-hoo... and we told her hippy mom who shrieked and is SO excited. i can't help but want this with my family when we share this weekend, but my super-conservative sister and her husband might be really quiet and awkward. this will be a lesson in being bold, being confident, and being excited the way we want to be! congrats to you guys. we're at 5 weeks, so you're paving the way :) lol... -kris