Slow week, summer work

This feels like the slowest tww we've ever had. I don't know if that's good or bad. I can't describe it-it just feels like the world is slowing down, and at the same time flying by us. This weekend was a bit of a whirlwind, so maybe that's why time seems so screwy--a long weekend, coupled with 50 million things to do (including vegetable garden planting and a flat tire on the Mass Pike). Usually, staying busy makes the tww fly by, but it's only been one week. One slooow week. Hopefully the next week will speed up a bit. Once next week is gone, school is basically over and our trip to Alaska is one week sooner. Yippee!

In frustrating, sad, and expensive news, I took our dog Ringo into the vet this afternoon because he has a loose tooth, and she discovered a heart murmur. An EKG for a dog? A cool $230. And then, being knocked out for a dental cleaning and tooth extraction? Probably another $250 more. Add to that two new tires from our flat on Saturday and another potential month of injectibles and that equals two broke teachers. Guess who's working this summer?!

Blue Light Special, Aisle 9

There has apparently been a run on SuperSperm since we've ordered him. We checked out his profile again last night, only to find that he now has "limited availability." What?! He was fresh and copious a mere 2 weeks ago! I knew he was too good to be true (isn't that always the way with the good ones?)!

So--what does this mean? For us, nothing yet. We don't know if S.S. and S.'s eggs met and lived happily ever after in her uterus, and won't know for 2 weeks. And then what...will we keep trying with him? What if we want to keep going ad nauseum with him, carrying him with us into potential IVF cycles and then he's not available anymore? We've never faced this particular dilemma before, though I know of it happening to others around the blogosphere here. It's really...aggravating! Someone else--taking my baby daddy? The nerve! Before now, I'd never considered our anonymous sperm donor "public property" but that's totally what he is. Guess I should get used to sharing.

S.S. to the Rescue!

For the first time in a looong time, S. had a relatively painless insemination. Fairly easy going in (though the curve of her cervix always trips up that catheter!), and...NO CRAMPING afterwards. We were shocked. We each took the whole day off of school to allow S. to recover and me to attend to her, but she ended up being just a little bit sleepy and pretty much fine. We're attributing this to our new sperm sample, who we like to call "Super Sperm" (or S.S.). He can do everything--including be nice to S.'s uterus. So we are starting off on a great foot, I think.

Though S. thinks it's all b*llsh*t, the nurse told us today it's not the quantity of follicles, but the quality the injectible meds can produce--which you fine folks out there have sort of been telling us all along. I bought it--I just hope S.'s uterus bought it, too.

Rain on our (follicle) parade

This weekend was kind of a wash-out--rain, rain, and more rain. There went our grand plans for finishing up our garden boxes. At any rate, we had another u/s on Saturday morning, bright and early, only we got some sort of unexpected news--one of S.'s big follicles fizzled out and away, while we had about 3 mildly juicy one. I thought, hey, okay, 3 follicles actually maturing this far--this is good.

S. thought otherwise. I didn't realized until we were done that S. was crying on the table, and then I said something insensitive to our Dr. - "She was expecting to have about 50 mature eggs." Or, I realized later it was insensitive. When I think about it, okay, we're spending $600 a month on this new medicine, for what? Results that are only a step above what we had on Clomid, for the most part. So what's the point? What's the big, grand, expensive point??

I really think that the fact that we have more than ONE follicle is good, and Clomid did not give us that. Her estrogen levels are growing nicely and her uterine lining is good. All this is GOOD. BAD for S., though. I think she had mega-high expectations going into this cycle that fell a bit short. And, when you're pumped up with massive amounts of hormones, this can sort of set you off.

I feel sad for S. I feel sad for me. I feel sad that ttc'ing is not joyous as it is with most straight couples (I am imagining--I know it's not the reality, but at least they get to have sex in the process,for the most part). I feel sad that a baby might be conceived in a stressful environment like this. But..I feel hopful that once we get that BFP, it'll all fade and we'll leave this chapter of our lives behind us for good.

How To Tell If Your Wife Is On Injectible Fertility Meds

1. She cries 3 times a day at school, for both happy and sad reasons
2. She bawls you out for accidentally running over the curb pulling out of Dunkin' Donuts in her car, letting you know you can never drive a small car and can only and ever driver a big, clunky truck
3. She swears and kicks at the lawnmower repeatedly
4. It's her birthday, her favorite time of the year, and she isn't interested at all

Can we say these hormones are having some effect on our little S? You betcha! The ultrasound today revealed that she has 3-4 follicles on one ovary and 1 on the other. Kind of disappointing, actually, so we're upping her dosage for the next 3 days. Should be a blast given the weekend's outbursts above. But as long as it works, I can tolerate any of it.

Do you hear that, baby? I love you, outbursts and all! HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

--cd

Injectibility

Well, seeing as our last cycle was yet another failure, here we are on to injectible meds. Yes kids, on to the expensive stuff. $50 a dose. There is $600 worth of drugs sitting in my refrigerator as I type. Last night was our first injection, and I actually wasn't nervous at all, and S. took it like a champ. When she got home from school today, I asked if the medication was giving her any strange side effects, to which she replied: "I cried three times." What?! Well, I laughed at her, but I thought it was a good sign because it meant her hormones were really raging around down there.

Then there's this tricky thing about Fifth's disease..I guess one of S.'s student's siblings has it, and her student may have it, but it's one of those things you don't know you have until you have a rash and by then you've already infected the next person. For those of you who don't know, Fifth's disease is kind of like chicken pox and is HIGHLY dangerous to pregnant women. Our real estate agent, in fact, lost her baby when she was 5 months pregnant because her daughter brought it home. How heartbreaking is that? Our nurses at the clininic, however, were remarkably nonchalant about the whole thing, assuming S. is already immune due to her many years working with little kids. We'll find out Sunday, but in the meantime, we're still taking meds with the chance that we may have to stop this cycle if we find out S. is not, in fact, immune. And there will be $200 worth of G*nal F shot into her belly, all for nada.

In happier news, we're going to the first Brimfield Antique Show this weekend and then a birthday party with people we love hanging out with. Yipster!

Happy Bloggiversary!

It's been a year to the day that we have been posting our travels in the land of (in)fertility. Sigh. I miss the naive days when I thought I could do this "naturally", when every twinge was a potential sign of pregnancy, when I treated everyday like the tww, when we gazed at my cervix lovingly and temped every single day, when the drugs were just a small co-pay, when shopping for sperm was silly and exciting. I am exhausted, sad, and really really disapointed. I need to get some of the hope back.

As I sat at my 30th birthday party, drinking seltzer, in my first tww, I remember thinking "at least next year I'll have a baby to celebrate with - or at the very least, I will be pregnant." Here comes 31.

Sorry so low.

Yesterday I had a giant DD caffeinated ice coffee, a 6 pack of Opa-Opa Red Rock Ale, and a half-pack of M*rlboro Ultra Lights. Can you guess what the pee-stick said?

I guess strange stomach feelings are *not* a sign of pregnancy for me. This is never going to happen.

waiting

I've noticed (my research being the million blogs I read) that some women LOVE to pee-on-a-stick and others hold off as long as they can. I am of the latter group. I will wait wait wait and just hold out hope for as long as I can. And that's a long time because the prometrium bullets I'm taking hold off my period - so I have to test. Other women start on 10dpo, testing each day until the positive or until the period comes. I couldn't stand that daily disapointment.

So here I am, 13 dpiui, and I haven't yet tested. And I don't plan on testing tomorrow. I just can't do it and then go to work with young children. Bad for the psyche. Sometime over the weekend, I promise.

-s