This weekend was kind of a wash-out--rain, rain, and more rain. There went our grand plans for finishing up our garden boxes. At any rate, we had another u/s on Saturday morning, bright and early, only we got some sort of unexpected news--one of S.'s big follicles fizzled out and away, while we had about 3 mildly juicy one. I thought, hey, okay, 3 follicles actually maturing this far--this is good.
S. thought otherwise. I didn't realized until we were done that S. was crying on the table, and then I said something insensitive to our Dr. - "She was expecting to have about 50 mature eggs." Or, I realized later it was insensitive. When I think about it, okay, we're spending $600 a month on this new medicine, for what? Results that are only a step above what we had on Clomid, for the most part. So what's the point? What's the big, grand, expensive point??
I really think that the fact that we have more than ONE follicle is good, and Clomid did not give us that. Her estrogen levels are growing nicely and her uterine lining is good. All this is GOOD. BAD for S., though. I think she had mega-high expectations going into this cycle that fell a bit short. And, when you're pumped up with massive amounts of hormones, this can sort of set you off.
I feel sad for S. I feel sad for me. I feel sad that ttc'ing is not joyous as it is with most straight couples (I am imagining--I know it's not the reality, but at least they get to have sex in the process,for the most part). I feel sad that a baby might be conceived in a stressful environment like this. But..I feel hopful that once we get that BFP, it'll all fade and we'll leave this chapter of our lives behind us for good.