Dear Body, Please Behave. Love, Me.

My body is doing weird things.

Note: please stop reading if you do not enjoy/cannot take reading about weird things that go on when women are trying to reproduce.

So, my cyst (I feel like I should name it. Any suggestions? It's pretty hefty.) may be causing these strange things to happen before they are supposed to: ewfm before I have even hit the "medium" reading on my fertility monitor; low, low cramping; and extreme mood swings.

Example: I started crying in Ikea yesterday when S. suggested that I should probably go try to use the restroom. What the heck??!! We had to take a detour through some ugly bookshelves until I composed myself.

Then, later that day, I started to have these strange, low low cramps, but according to the fertility monitor that morning, I was still on "low" fertility. Odd. (I still have them, by the way.)

And then..oh yes, and then...I went into the bathroom later on that day to find...ewfm. I was all, seriously, body? Are you really doing this to me when my sperm isn't even going to be in the same time zone as me until Tuesday??!!

So, I peed on an OPK. Nothing. It totally corroborated the evidence from my monitor that morning. I was so sure this morning I would either move up to medium or get a peak reading, but it was still LOW!!! LOW!!

What is going on? Is this going to be the one month my body doesn't follow the pattern? Go figure. Go freaking figure.

Wait, I said I wasn't going to freak out, so I'm going to go make myself some hot chocolate, enjoy the Golden Globes, and not thing about what my body is doing wrong or right.