Saturday, August 19, 2006

To home or not to home? (This is the very serious question)

So I can't find S.'s freaking cervix. Either my fingers are too short or I'm too squeamish. You should see the drawing they have in this book we're reading, with a woman squatting and practically pinching her cervix with her thumb and forefinger. It's crazy and still sort of weirdly gross, I think. Am I crazy, or did they not teach you this in sex ed class?

We've been doing a lot of contemplating on home v. docs office insems. S. has been producing more fertile mucus this cycle than in months--months! And you know why (or at least why I think why)? No freaking drugs. I feel like I'm sort of mirroring Marta & Eileen'sdilemma of home vs. doc insems. right now, and how we've been fucking up our bodies with drugs because---why not? We're paying a primo price for the privilege of being parents, so why not do what the doctors and r.e.s say is the "right" way to go about it? What were we thinking--there isn't just one way to conceive a child, and as a lesbian trying to have kids, who feels empowered enough to do so, I should really be ashamed of myself for doing it this way. Part of why S. and I started this blog was to feel empowered about making the right decisions about conception, but I feel like we've only listened to the doctors. That doesn't mean I didn't love Dr. K--I did, we both did--but I think this month off has really given us a chance to think seriously about taking control of this situation-for better or worse.


Anonymous said...

it IS such a hard decision to make. we know it will probably work sooner rather than later using a dr and drugs. and we know that if we do it at home, it's going to take longer. maybe A LOT longer. but i think we decided yesterday to screw the doctors and reclaim our inseminations.

as far as finding the cervix, if S is ok with you going as far as possible, keep going! you will eventually hit it. and S, make sure you are vocal and let C know that what she is doing is ok (if it is, i mean). just talk to each other every step of the way.

good luck guys! you know we're rooting for you!!!

Anonymous said...

ps - if you'd like to discuss this subject further, you can email me at cubarox at yahoo dot com.

marta said...

i hate to be annoying, but i was just googling my name for privacy reasons and was linked to your blog. is there any way that you can delete the words "cubr0x" and "m@rta and 3ileen" from this entry?

i'm not sure if you know, but my situation has changed and i would really appreciate if you help in my anonymity.

i still read your blog from time to time and wish you guys all the luck in the world!