Clogged

I have a plugged duct. I know how to get my plugged drain to get going, and actually, this has been kind of similar and I think I'm on my way to working it out (I have an emergency supply of antibiotics courtesy of me begging my doctor yesterday to give them to me before a foot of snow falls today, juuuust in case I spike a fever and develop mastitis). Except I've experienced a sudden drop in my supply--from both breasts, even though the plug is only in one. When I pump in the evening (so that S. could share in feeding Max by giving him a bottle of expressed milk), I was getting upwards of 9 oz. This was just two days ago. In the last two days, I've put out far, far less--maybe, maybe 2 oz. per side. What gives? Is it the duct? I have been feeding him more often to unclog things and move them along. Another change--the long sleep stretches. If my supply is "evening out," this is not a good place to be at.

Any BFing advice, oh wise internets?

Just when I thought everything was going awesome with breastfeeding. I should have known better. Erg.

Five Weeks plus

I can't believe how big he's getting. I guess that's what happens.

Stuck in a sling

It's not so bad in here after all!

Chillaxin'

Sleep, glorious sleep.

We have been doing something that the Consumer Product Safety Commission would surely say is a huge no-no and recall us as parents immediately if they saw. We put one of those vibrating chair-type things into the co-sleeper for Max to sleep in. It's inclined ever-so slightly, enough that we had hoped his rasping, gasping breathing would cease. The breathing sort of-kind of eased, but more importantly, the kid slept. He slept for four blissful hours in a row. The next night? Nearly five hours. Due to negligent parenting, he only slept for about 3 1/2 hours straight through last night (late bed time--bad mommies), but still--do you know what a difference this has made in my life? S. is finally sleeping through the night without waking up to Max every 1 1/2-2 hours and me getting in and out of bed. I feel vaguely human come morningtime. Oh, yes. Sleep, glorious sleep.

Now, I know that since we've hit the 5-week mark, this could all just be part of Max's maturation from newborn to infant. But hey--I'll take it.

If only my boobs would be as happy about the long stretches as we are.

So--no big update, as he's still not sleeping awesomely, but it seems that Max sleeps better and more quietly when he's on his side. I've been wedging him sideways, swaddled, with blankets to keep him on his side (but not push him too far over that he falls on his face). This seems to be working. Our ped. actually suggested putting him on his stomach (!) but that thought seriously freaks me out. So, side sleeping it is. I did make a discovery today that may or may not have been contributing to the random bouts of daytime crying--an eyelash in his eye. Poor kiddo! Everyone knows how aggravating it is to have any foreign object in one's eye, but at least we have the ability to shove a finger in our eye and scoop it up. As you can imagine, Max is not so partial to this approach, so I squirted him down with sterile tears in hopes of flushing it out. It's either crept back into his lower eyelid or gone away--let's hope it's the latter.

I hope I don't sound like an awful heel. We love this boy and his multiple chins and wet diapers. Even if he does sound like a pterodactyl when he cries.

No sleep 'til...

This baby doesn't sleep, and when he does, his breathing is so loud and scary that neither of us sleep. Our ped. thinks his trachia-flap (I do NOT like to think about a baby's trachia flap) of cartilage isn't fully formed yet, so it keeps "flapping" and restricting his airwaves when he's sleeping on his back. No bigs, she says. It will firm up on its own eventually. That kind of seems like a big deal to me! Besides, I don't think that's actually his problem. I'm not really sure what it is, but his shrieking breathing is freaking us all out to the point of insomnia.

Also, he cries. Oh, he cries, cries, cries. Why? Who knows. Whatever happened to that sweet, mellow baby we brought back from the hospital? I'd like him back, please.

Oh man, we're tired.

What are you doing New Years?

I apologize for the silence around here. There's this little baby who won't let go of my boobs, making typing with two hands incredibly difficult. There's also this little baby who doesn't sleep for more than two to three hours at a time, leaving his Mama in a semi-daze most of her waking hours. All I wanted for Christmas? To sleep for more than three consecutive hours, which hasn't happened since December 1st. Ah well. 2011 is here and we know that sleep deprivation is only temporary. This year will be the year that I sleep again!

But I love the promise of a new year, with growing bodies and brains (the boys', clearly not mine) in the house. We spent New Year's Eve at First Night Northampton, which started at noon and was filled with kid-friendly activities. Max slept happily in the Moby all day while Theo mostly enjoyed the various shows and performers we saw. We ended the evening with an early sushi dinner, fireworks, and the best ice cream ever. We were home by 7:30. I guess that's how you do New Year's Eve with two kids under the age of 3. But you know what? I don't care how lame it seems. We had a great day. Who wouldn't with these two around?

Happy New Year, everyone.

Check out that double chin action. Oh yeah.

A rare moment of staying still. My handsome, happy smiling boy.

Weigh-in and Diapers

Little Monch is now what Theo weighed at his lightest the first week home from the hospital: 7 lbs., 10 oz, which from 6 lbs, 1 oz. at his 4-day ped. visit is pretty good, I would say! He still feels like a teeny weeny peanut, but he's a growing one. Yay boobs.

His little behind is finally (sort of) fitting into our cloth diapers. We are loving using our Kissaluv terry snap-ons with a wool cover. We decided to delve into the world of wool with this one. We've got the one-size down pat with Theo, and Max will definitely use Theo's bumGeniuses when he's big enough, but S. did a heck of a job boosting our stash through DiaperSwappers, mainly, getting some awesome wool covers. And S.'s mom actually crocheted us two wool diaper covers that are ridiculously cute. I can't wait until he fits into the longies we scored-those of you who use them know how damn cute they are. I must admit I was skeptical about the wool and mostly freaked out about the care involved in them, but so far it's really been no big deal. I am still not a fan of prefolds, however---he seems to pee through them in about 5 seconds. Any advice? Maybe I'm a bad folder.

Little Monch

We all think Max looks like a Monchhichi. What do you think? And yes, we have started calling him that.

The Story

My "real" story, which I typed out into a Word document, is 4 pages long. I'll spare you that version and cut to the chase as best as I can - I am notoriously bad at editing myself, so if I sound longwinded, I apologize now.

December 2nd, I got up and went to work. All week long, I had been experiencing lower and more-intense B-H contractions, and had some bloody mucous, so I knew things were definitely shifting. That day, things felt different, though. Stronger, longer, more uncomfortable cramping was happening. It continued all day, all evening, and I finally thought, hmm...maybe we ought to be timing these? By 11:00 that night, we realized this was it. We called the midwife and our doula B. Midwife G. was on-call - our most favorite, wonderful, awesome midwife - so we were keeping our fingers crossed that she'd still be on by the time we made it to the hospital. She advised us to stay in bed and rest as long as possible, but it soon became evident that this was not going to happen. The waves started coming on more regularly, strongly, and frequently. I mostly laid on the bed, or bent over the bed rocking back and forth - never did it feel unmanageable, but perhaps inconveniently uncomfortable to do anything with but breathe, breathe, breathe, and rock back and forth. I had been using the Hypnobabies homestudy course, so I put on my headphones and let the relaxation exercises guide me through each wave. It kept me focused, calm, and easygoing. I was very, very quiet during this time, still able to talk to S., but we decided that sooner than later, with my waves increasing in frequency, it was time to get this show on the road. We called our doula and midwife back around 3:30 a.m., and by 4:00 started moving downstairs to get ready to leave for the hospital. We stopped into Theo's room to give him one last kiss as a family of 3, and I remember thinking how different everything would be the next time we saw him.

S.'s mom came over for Theo, helped us pack the car with our bags, and then we were on our way. I kept the headphones on throughout the ride, but it was becoming more and more uncomfortable to bear each wave sitting down. We met our doula B., and made our way down the hallway, to the elevators, up to the birthing center. We were lead to the same room that Theo was born in---we thought surely this was an excellent sign! It was 5:00 a.m.

My intake appointment went well--I remember being very chatty and upbeat with the nurse while the waves continued. I was hooked up to the EFM for just 20 minutes. Midwife G. came in to check my progress and -- holy cow -- I was already 8-9 cm dilated. This was beyond awesome news, but at the same time, I knew in the back of my head that meant the hardest work was yet to come. I was unhooked and left to move freely. I chose to spend the majority of the time bent over the hospital bed on pillows, rocking. Eventually the rocking got paired with moaning as B. massaged my lower back, gave me washcloths scented with ginger for my nausea (I hadn't been able to keep anything down for hours), and S. held my hands.

As the waves grew stronger, I felt myself spinning out of control. B.'s touch and S.'s "om"ing in my ear reminded me to stay focused, to turn inward, to keep my tones low. This, coupled with cool cloths and ice chips, got me through what I knew was transition. I wondered how long it would go on before I would feel like pushing. Eventually, I was moved into the bathroom to sit on the toilet, but I hated the feeling. I know now that G. was trying to use gravity to get my urge to push stimulated, but all I wanted to do was get off. I even remember saying, "I don't want my baby to be born on a toilet!" We walked back over to the bed, where I finally got on, side-lying, my legs supported by S. and G. I waited and waited for each wave to help bring my urge to bear down on, but it never happened with the force I expected. Suddenly I was being instructed to push, to focus my pushing in one place, and sure enough it started to work. I can honestly say I never felt that "urge to push" most women get, but I knew it was time for that baby to come out.

Soon, G. said, "reach down and feel this - your baby is still in his sack." I reached down and said, "That's so weird!" My water had never broken - I had in the back of my mind been waiting and waiting, but it never did. The baby was born in his caul, with his bag of waters intact, a very rare thing indeed. Of course I never felt it, but G. broke the bag as he was coming out to help him breath, and before I knew it or even felt him come out, my screaming little peanut was resting on my chest, healthy, hairy, and loud. It was 7:29 a.m., 2 1/2 hours after we arrived at the hospital, and less than 10 hours after labor started in earnest.

I feel positive that using Hypnobabies allowed me to stay at home for as long as I did and labor in comfort for as long as I did. I had the exact birth that I wanted, was supported by wonderful and amazing people, and now have the little family of 4 S. and I had been dreaming off since this process began last year. I have no other words other than to say that I am so lucky to have been able to do what I did, to have who I have in my life, and to have a healthy little baby to show for it all.

Wordless

I'm tired and still don't have my entire birth story written down--so until I feel slightly more motivated, a post of photos for your viewing pleasure. I know I'm enjoying the view, anyway.

Turns out it was much more than a cranky uterus.

Maxwell Joseph

12/3/10 after less than 10 hours of (when I finally figure out I was in labor) labor

6.4 lbs, 19.5 inches

A teeny peanut with lots of hair to explain the heartburn of the last 9 months.

Details to follow!

Still In

Went back to work today, after being up on and off for a few hours with crampy rumblings. Decided it would be better to be somewhere with distracting people and where I could walk around. Ever since I've been home, it's been on-and-off cramping. Haven't called doula or midwife and still trying to decide if this is it and sloooowly starting, or whether it's just gear-up, tuning up, checking the oil type stuff. Very little bloody mucous today. No plug.

Baby's still in there!

Warning: too much TMI

Yes, I realize the redundancy of this post title.

This post will gross many people out, so please feel free to click off of this page if you are feeling squeamish.

I'm 39w4d. Contractions have been happening pretty regularly (just B-H ones, I figure), but have now moved into the low, low region of my pelvis. This morning and a few times today, I had (TMI PART COMING UP NOW!!!) bloody mucous. Was it bloody show? Just mucous? Is labor imminent? There are a lot of rumblings going on down there. I'd sure hate to go on like this for another week or more and am wondering if I should keep going to work. I guess it's just time to wake up every morning and evaluate the day. My sub is working with me full time right now, so she's ready to jump in whenever.

I may also mention that I suddenly feel incredibly energetic. You'd think I'd do something useful, like vacuum or wash the kitchen floor, but instead I just get up and go to work. I'm trying to save as many of my sick days as I possibly can so I can take the majority of my leave paid.

Wow, this is a rambling post. I think I'm slightly in shock that my actual due date is a mere 4 days away. Here we are, ready and waiting. Let's hope we're not ready and waiting, and waiting, and waiting...

Not Yet

Nothing to post yet--I just know where minds wander to when a gal gets to about this stage of the game. We've just been--busy. The theme of this pregnancy. I called in sick today to actually sleep (and I been sick for a week, so it's legit), relax, be alone for an afternoon - though I'm out soon to run some errands before my 38-week midwife appointment this afternoon. So, since Halloween, let's see what's been going on:

• 3 surprise baby showers, one thrown by my mom for us at my aunt's house (which surprised the ever-living hell out of me - seriously) and 2 others by 2 of my classes. Very cute and very sweet when a 14-year-old can pull something like that off.
• The tile backsplash is almost done in our kitchen. It looks killer.
• Theo is testing his limits, big time. Perhaps he senses a big change is on the horizon? Every night, bedtime is a challenge and a production. Any advice? Or is he just 2?
• 2 more weeks of work (probably) and we've just now hired a sub. Here's hoping I actually have enough time left to sit down with her before it's time.
• House is all in order - we got our co-sleeper back from our friends, all baby clothes are washed, bags are packet, new car is purchased, snowblower is being serviced, camera batteries are charged. Phew.

I don't think I could possibly have forgotten anything. Thanksgiving is this week and it is nearly my favorite national holiday. No religious affiliations, wonderful food, no pressure to exchange gifts, and a great message - be grateful. And, though we haven't stopped to genuflect on it, we truly, truly are.

Beginning of the end

Well--they never said it would be easy to carry a baby to full term, right? Right. Now that I am feeling seriously huge, every day seems a little more challenging. For instance, if I forget to put my socks on before breakfast, it is nearly impossible to bend over to put my socks on. If I bend over for something instead of squatting down to reach it, my belly gets smooshed in the most uncomfortable way. While my heartburn seems to have subsided a wee amount for the time being, the possible lowering of the baby means more head whamming against the cervix, which is just ooooooh-so-pleasant. Actually, it's not terrible, and I welcome the feeling---but when I'm trying to stand up in front of a class and teach, it's a little distracting.

Below, scenes from the beginning of the end of fall. Halloween was fun this year. Theo only went trick-or-treating across the street to our neighbor's house, but he got his own special basket of candy from her and---gasp---we let him eat a lollypop. For the first time. Ever. And he loved it. Until he dropped it in the leaves.

Large and in charge at 35 weeks.

We woke up Halloween morning to find our entire street toilet papered and our pumpkins stolen off the front porch.

Practicing his moves with the pitchfork

Our little devil (pre-sugar high from lollypop)

Things that are kind of kicking my butt right now in the last 6 weeks:

• Fatigue--back with a vengeance. Is it possible I feel MORE tired now than in the first trimester? Seriously. I could sleep in every day and go to bed by 7:30 every night.
• Heartburn. Blah.
• Sleep, ironically. Tossing and turning all night on the Sno*gle does not a good night's sleep make. Add to that the occasional toddler in the bed, and it all makes for a not-so-restful nor peaceful night despite my pure exhaustion.
• Papers. Okay, that has nothing to do with being pregnant, but I have so many papers to grade. Why am I giving so much work? I must be a mean teacher!
• Finding a new car---why do car salespeople suck so badly?

Things I love:

• Being extremely, visibly pregnant. I love the way my belly looks, I must say.
• Feeling so close to the baby, who moves and grooves and twists and turns in there all the time. I love it (except when I get an unexpected swift kick to the ribs--ouch).
• My family. Theo. Wife. Imagining us as a foursome very soon.
• Halloween and fall. Seriously---who wants to spend fall anywhere else but New England? My heart aches happily just thinking about it. It's especially grand this year since I don't have to blow or rake leaves (at least not for too long). And---I also love Halloween candy. Yum.

Purple Day

Our GSA gave out purple ribbons today -- it's Ally Week, plus purple day today to honor the 7 young men who took their own lives over the past month due to anti-gay bullying and harassment. We had a ton of students sign pledge forms and take ribbons during the lunch waves, so obviously I'm ecstatic about that.

Here is what I am very un-ecstatic about---an annoying, homophobic, unprofessional teacher who totally ruined the day. She basically accosted my student who was working at the GSA table to explain (not in my presence - the student was totally by herself and defenseless) how she doesn't believe that "all this" (GSAs, ribbons, allies, anything having to do with supporting gay anything) belongs in a school. May I mention we are a PUBLIC school, so nevermind that the GSA has about a gazillion legal rights to exist and disseminate information, but we also have a student-lead prayer group, which is also totally legal (if it's student-initiated and student lead, as is our GSA and many other clubs at school). So this is basically the equivalent of me marching into the bible study and telling them that I believe everything in the bible is a lie and that this group shouldn't exist.

But I would never do that. Do you know why? I am a professional who cares about students.

And we wonder why teenagers feel the need to kill themselves.

Can you just imagine if a person like this said something like this to your own child? It makes me not just angry for my children, but also scared. I hope-hope-hope we can do a good job strengthening our kids' confidence enough to never listen to this kind of bullshit nor take it seriously. But it still scares me.

Cautionary Tale List

Things not to do when you're 32 weeks pregnant: A List

1. Collide with a student in the hallway and then land on all-fours, hard, only to suffer excruciating back pain for the next two days

2. Somehow pick up a lingering massive head cold and sore throat

3. Drive through Chinatown in New York on a Saturday looking for a parking space

4. Smack the steering wheel and yell "F*CK!" while crying hysterically in said Chinatown traffic drive

5. Inadvertently teach your two-year-old how to say "F*CK", which really sounds like "PUT!" followed by hysterical laughter

6. Continue to say the word mentioned in 4 and 5 without realizing it, again eliciting peals of ecstatic laughter from your two-year-old

7. Try to get a two-year-old boy to say "nice words" instead of "put" or "puttin" - because they'll just end up saying "POOP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" or "PEE PEE!!!!!"

And that was my week in a nutshell. Take it as a cautionary tale, all ye pregnant ladies with no center of balance, a penchant for spontaneous emotional breakdowns, and an easily-influenced little bugger listening to your every word.

32 weeks down, 8 to go!

Another Rushing Week

No time for real posts - just pics. Theo is currently hurling himself off of the couch at an alarming angle, I have to pick up a pizza for dinner, and S. is painting our new cabinet to stash all the office crap we had to move out of our, well, office, to make Theo's new room. And...I am 31 weeks and starting to finally slow down. Thank god for my birth ball and some wisely selected yoga-ish exercises and deep relaxation CDs - otherwise my back pain would be tailspinning out of control. Whew. Needless to say, I could use a day off to just sleep and relax, but I'm trying to hold out as long as I can. With a long weekend coming up, I'm channeling the little engine that could...I think I can, I think I can, I think I can...

30 Weeks self-portrait (very hard when one is only 5 feet tall and one's profile barely clears the mirror!)

31 Weeks

Blondie cousin love with typical poses - cousin J. with his big smile, Theo with his little coy smirk

Hitting milestones

We've hit 30 weeks! At m/w appointment today I:

-found out that I DO NOT have gestational diabetes. Yay yay yay!

-found out that I am borderline anemic. Boo boo boo. Luckily, our midwives try to correct this with diet before prescribing giant constipation pills.

-gained about another 1/2 lb. in two weeks. I'm liking my pace, but know it will likely start accelerating in the next few weeks. That's okay, too.

-discovered the baby has been head down since the last midwife appointment - or at least he was today. Good baby!

I decided that I will take at least a picture a week of the belly for your viewing pleasure until the end. (I took a self-portrait Monday morning but haven't dumped it off of my camera yet.) A decided lack of belly shots - and pictures of me pregnant in general - suddenly made me feel very sad since I know I will not be getting pregnant again and want PROOF when this boy comes out that I was the one who grew him.