Moving on

I won't say it didn't hurt. But the rational part of me took over pretty quickly. It was our first try....I'm just used to getting lucky! But hey, it's on to the next cycle. That's the exhausting part. Soon enough, you notice that every part of your menstrual cycle is an important one. We have to start planning for the next try - clomid, vaginal ultrasounds - right away! That's how this process takes over your life. It's not like you can stop planning or thinking about it. I can't tell you how many times I've counted and recounted the days in my cycle, retracing the last few months of charting that I've done. Forget the other things going on in your life - the end of the school year and my last week at this school, trying to find a new job, finishing up our house so that we can move in July. That stuff is all in the back seat. What's important is making this baby.

Very Big Sigh

Sadly, S.'s period came on Thursday, a few days ahead of schedule. Well, okay, 9 months ahead of schedule. We took the pregnancy test anyway. I think it's negative. But we're on the clomid this month. Very unlike us. But it was actually me who sprung into action on this one. When I found out S. wasn't pregnant, I said--let's get on this thing--because honestly, I don't want every month to turn out like this. I wanted us to be as natural as humanly possible (you know, natural for when our dr. is sticking sperm up a catheter into S.'s uterus), and this is definitely not the natural way to go--but it's the least expensive and, from what I can tell, invasive fertility drug we can take. Plus, with S.'s periods being slightly off-schedule the last couple of months, we could use a little assurance that our $500 baby-daddy is going to meet our egg or eggs in happy union.

...And we wait...

....

I know all of you "ttc" couples out there know what those elipses mean. It means eternity. It means not knowing whether or not you'll be dropping another $500+ dollars for baby making. And most importantly, it means obsessing like a crazy person over any little weirdo thing you body does. S. likes doing this. She also likes reading everyone's pregnancy blogs, which I am convinced has psyched her own body either in or out of pregnancy.

Anyhow, we both have job interviews tomorrow up New England way, as we are moving out of NYC in July and have yet to secure teaching positions for next school year. The only thing to laugh about lately is that S. had to drink seltzer out of her 30th Birthday wine glass that one of her former students gave her as a present. Did I mention this student is in 1st grade and obsessed with her? Totally weird-and funny!

1 week down. 1 to go.

Well, I've felt weird for the last few days. Can't explain it exactly. Today I was a bit nauseous and I've never been around 5-year olds with such bad breath. But...I was tired. It could be just that. I don't want to go all psychosomatic. Maybe I just feel weird because there is *sperm* in me. It's such a hard wait. 2 weeks, 2 weeks??? I don't even really mind that I can't have a glass of wine for my birthday, but I want it to be for a reason. Ya know? Also, I've got to stop reading other pregnancy blogs and websites. It's a bit obsessive...me, obsessive?

Boys Swim Straight, Girls In Circles

I was supposed to write this last week--you know, after insem, but I got a little worried about what I would say. This waiting game is a killer-every time S. says she "feels funny," or gets emotional, or anything like that, I jump inside, hoping it's a little fertilized embryo trying to tell us something. She has me talking to her belly, hoping to encourage a fertilized embryo, if there's one in there, to attach itself to her uterine lining. So I say things like, "Hey, you in there? If you attach, I promise I'll feed you really good food forever!" We'll see if bribing it into existence works.

S. also turned 30 today (yay!) and while I expected a nuclear meltdown, she's been totally mellow about it. So mellow, in fact, that she's passed out on the couch taking a nap before catching the season finale of "Top Model." Pretty anti-climactic 30th birthday if you ask me, but hey, it's her day, not mine. We're having a party this weekend, and guess what--there will be no drinking for S.! However, after watching our totally terrific Dr. K. do the insem last week, I could use a few pops.

Note: Jokes made during the insemination process should not, repeat, not be taken too seriously. Example: Dr K: "So I checked out the sperm under the microscope to make sure you didn't get ripped off. It looks like a good mix of males and females, actually. The males are swimming straight ahead and the females are swimming around in circles." Us: "Really? You can tell already?"
Dr. K: "It's a joke guys."

Meet the family!

Wanna meet my "baby daddy"?

NO chasing sperm

Just back from my vaginal sonogram (kind of like a dildo-cam). Getting my follicles measured up to see if they're up to the task. I didn't get much info, just that the follicles on my right ovary are bigger. Interesting....I call Dr. K tomorrow to get the scoop.

The sperm is somewhere in/over Middle America as we speak. SO STRANGE! We've made arrangements to pick it up at the FedEx place tomorrow because as New Yorkers without a doorman, we have chased plenty a UPS van around the Upper Eastside trying to get a package. As a lesbian, I've made it a rule not to chase sperm. What do we do with it when we get it home? Hang out with it for the night? Take pictures? It seems weird to not treat it, um, specially. I'm not talking foreplay here, but it is a biohazard. At the very least, I'll be sure to keep out of the way of white dog and black cat. They've been very...boisterous...lately.

Wait, that's not my name!

Today I took a little jaunt down to the Duane Reade to pick up an injection for S. that's supposed to make her ovulate so we can, you know, inseminate. It turns out there is someone else with her name, in our neighborhood, who also gets prescriptions filled at our Duane Reade, because after I walked back home (and up 4 flights of stairs, mind you), S. realized that, "Hey, they spelled my name wrong! And they got my address wrong!" Uh oh. Wrong S.!!! So back down I go, back a block and a half to the Duane Reade to get it all straightened out. Oops! They didn't even apologize, but the good news--our insurance covers 5 whole more dollars of the rX than the other S.'s insurance did, so way to go for us!

With any luck, the R.N. at S.'s school won't have a problem injecting her on Thursday and then away her body goes, into semi-forced and semi-natural ovulation. Bliss!

Lesson #2 in baby making - check your prescription before you leave the pharmacy to make sure it's actually yours!

Not a moron...

Her post makes me seem like a moron...I found the same blogs she did and within those, I did not find what I was looking for. I found lesbian moms...lesbians with infertility issues...lesbians with plenty of other issues....but no lesbians making a baby. Perhaps they were once blogs about making a baby, but now they are baby picture galleries (congrats!) which I suppose I hope this will be soon...but I'm more focused on the process, not the product right now.

Coming up on our first insemination attempt. A big week for sure. Today is day 10 - A vaginal ultrasound on Wed., a follow-up call with Dr. K on Thurs. and the big day on Fri. - that is, if my body cooperates with my schedule! I wrote it in my planner though....and we all know what that means. I'm a bit of a scheduler, what can I say, I like things planned. I recognize the need to relax, don't worry! ---sp

Lesson Number One - Finding a Doctor Who's Funny

S. searched and searched for a blog on lesbians trying to get pregnant and found nothing. I (C,) looked and found about a zillion, of course, but she still insisted that we write our own. I don't know if or how our experiences trying to get pregnant will differ from the other women we've read about, but it certainly does help sort out your feelings on the whole matter, plus it's way cooler than making a lame-o scrapbook.

So, here we go--our first post on getting pregnant. Let me tell you a little anecdote and the first lesson I've learned about being gay and trying to get pregnant--find a doctor with a sense of humor and some compassion. Dr. K. is hilarious. As he says himself, "I wanted to go to comedy school, but my mother told me to be a doctor instead." As he was sticking a large, metal speculum in S. for the HSG (a procedure we fondly refer to as "power washing"), he was having trouble locating her cervix. Instead of fidgeting around and making her uncomfortable, he said, "Where's your cervix? Did you bring your cervix with you today?" Way to make an awkward situation funny (although I don't think S. really noticed the humor until after the procedure was done).

The other important thing is to make sure your doctor knows what's up between you and your partner. The radiology assistant did not want to let me in during the HSG, but Dr. K. saw me and said, "Come right in." Phew.

So lesson number one--humor and compassion. Or you'll all be crying-and not for joy.