Checklist

A check-ish list of accomplishments during our long weekend:

• 2 gardens planted
• 3 grilled meals consumed
• 1 birthday party attended
• 1 13-week pregnant lady swatting away bugs that would not go away
• 3 days of perfect weather
• 1 lawn mowed
• 2 friends that came to sleep over
• 1 parade watched
• 1 flag waved, and waved, and waved

I'm no anchorwoman..

I'm starting to show. I guess it's time to break the news to work. I already told my department head and principal, and both seemed genuinely thrilled for us, but I haven't told any co-workers besides my pregnant buddy, but I really think that it's time. I mean--I have no pants left to wear, people. Time to go shopping.

I really don't like telling people "news". I know, I'm weird. What's the most tactful, least-embarrassing way to break the news?

Blow Up

Apropos of nothing, I turned comment moderation OFF because I found it so annoying, but I'm still getting possibly more annoying blog comments, so will likely be turning it back on, just to warn you.

So, where have we been? We've been..exhausted. The only reason I am able to type this right now is because I happen to be home with Theo for the day since our babysitter's daughter caught the nasty puke-your-brains-out bug going around S.'s school. NOT fun--so we really hope Theo does not get infected with that nastiness. Last week, his whole body BLEW UP with a red, red rash, accompanied by a running nose. Our doc called it some kind of coxsackie virus, but S. suspects it was fifth's disease, so today I went to the hospital lab to get some blood drawn just to check.

However, I am going to go with everything being all well and good on the pregnancy front. My intense hunger has subsided-for now-and we heard the heartbeat on Monday at our first midwife appointment. Yes! I'll be 12 weeks Sunday. That is rather mind blowing. S. is concerned that I haven't "popped" yet--only my ass and boobs seem to be doing the popping--but since I really don't have any summery maternity clothes yet, this is fine by me. Although, I don't know how much longer I can squeeze into my work pants, and I only fit into one pair of jeans. I will also add that my t-shirts look ridiculous on me and all need a size upgrade.

Another thing that BLEW UP in our face this week was some shocking news. Our donor--as in the one we used for Theo--became available again. And the bank DID NOT let us know, like they had said they would. We only found out via a message someone sent S. through the DSR. I didn't quite know what to do with this information. We agonized over what to do once our embryo transfers failed, and we were faced with having to choose a new donor if I wanted to become pregnant next. It took us a really long time to choose, and it's worth pointing out that we made a LOT of phone calls to our original bank inquiring about when our donor would become available again. I know that I was meant to be pregnant with the donor we used, since it worked---and it really will be fine. But there is just this little bug somewhere in the back of my head like--there are going to be half-siblings of Theo out there now-and they won't be mine.

Anyway, onwards we go. We're going to Boston this weekend with my sister (well, she lives there, so we're going to her apt.) then all visiting the Children's Museum. I have so many fond memories of visiting the Museum with my mother as a kid, so it's exciting to get to take Theo for the first time. Enjoy the lovely weather all!

Did you know that....

...it is our FOUR YEAR bloggiversary? I really didn't imagine we would be still blogging, after blogging through the painfully long conception of Theo, S. being pregnant, Theo's birth and babyhood, and now my nascent pregnancy. Crazy, no? There are some blogs I've been following from the beginning, and some I've just found, and others who have sadly just disappeared from the blog world after enduring too much pain. I ache for those friends we started with whose journey did not end up the way they wanted or expected.

On Saturday, we attended a huge picnic to celebrate our hospital's 20-year IVF program. There were nearly 300 IVF-conceived kids there. We got to see our doctors and nurses again, get a free lunch, and free admission to the city museums. It was really wonderful and--amazing--to see how many people's journeys happily ended in family. What was surprising, though, was that there were hardly any other lesbian couples there--we only saw a few. But I know many of them use our doctor for IUIs and are lucky enough to stop there. It made us a little teary-eyed and oh-so grateful for our little lovey.

Updates

Updates, updates, updates...

We got our last scan at the RE's office yesterday. We got marvelous pictures and the babe is measuring ahead of schedule at 8w6d (I was 8w3-4d yesterday). Heartbeat is nice and fast and we can see the beginnings of the umbilical cord. The little gummy bear looks so different from just two weeks ago--it is flabbergasting, really. I guess this finally feels, well...real.

I guess I should have known--I haven't felt too swell lately. Behold my dinner last night. I prepared a marvelous lemon-parmesan asparagus pasta, only to turn my nose up at it at serving time. Instead I indulged in ginger ale, a sleeve of Saltines, and half a bag of Sour Patch Kids. It is literally the only thing I wanted to eat. At least I'm eating. And often. One of my friends whom I work with (also a lesbian, also an English teacher, also pregnant, also already has a son--weird or what?) told me she gets so sick of eating and I thought she was exaggerating.

And now I'm off to eat more crackers.

Wonders of the Sea

We always knew Theo loved the water, but we didn't know how he'd react to seeing water animals. Turns out it was almost as good a reception as a train or truck, and that is pretty darn good. Imagine screaming accompanying the surprised, happy face, and you've pretty much got our day.

Peeping into the beluga tank

Giant indoor tropical fish tank (fuzzy picture thanks to camera shake and no flash, but it looks pretty cool anyway!)

All hands (8 of them!) in the sting ray, sans stingers, tank with cousins T and twins M and F

What's next? Or, am I seriously fat already?

We had our intake appointment yesterday at the m/w office where 7 (!) vials of blood were taken for my prenatal workup. I have no idea what they are testing me for, but okay. The nurse already had to ask if I feel like I am gaining weight. Uh-oh. Let's just say that since I've, um, neglected myself over the past year or so, I've put on a couple extra pounds. So whether I've already gained weight or not, I don't know--I only know that I started off looking like I was already 8-10 weeks pregnant. I am just hoping my body is resting and waiting to catch up instead of the weight taking off like a rocket. Jeesh.

But, I am always.hungry. Always.hungry. Or, I am vaguely nauseated. To ward of nausea, I eat. It's worked the past couple of days, except yesterday I went past the point of hunger and catapulted down into severe nausea, so I learned my lesson. I traveled today with (literally) a bag full of snacks. Good times. Yes, this will really help keep my weight gain to a minimum, I'm sure.

Vacation is pretty much over---here's the last of our vacation pics from NYC. We went to Mystic Aquarium today with 3 other children. It was chaotic but a blast. Pics to follow. For now, Brooklyn Botanical Gardens (with the cherry blossoms at their PEAK!):





from below, looking up into the heavy boughs

I DO NOT KNOW how people in New York City do it--two mammas, one 30+ pound baby boy, a 16 lb. stroller, and probably miles of walking later...we are tre pooped and DONE with walking around the city for the day. We checked out Times Square yesterday just to show Theo the Times Square Toys R'Us (it was a love/hate relationship, as you'll see in the pictures below). Today we walked up and down the High Line, down through the West Village, through Washington Square Park, down Broadway to Chinatown, ate lunch there and then hopped on the train up to Tiffany's and then walked down to Herald Square where the H&M has, apparently, the best maternity tank tops ever (NYC women take note!). Whew. Back home tomorrow night or Wed. afternoon to veg out, deal with garden and yard stuff, and grade a stack of papers that seems half a foot tall. Fun.

Real fun:

Am I just paranoid...??

I'M ON VACATION!

Just wanted to get that out of the way.

I continue to have weird symptoms - simultaneous nausea and hunger - so it's not that I'm worried that anything bad happened, but two nights ago I happened to have a very diluted cup of sassafras tea. What is this, you may ask? Only the most delicious natural-root beer flavored stuff ever. Only, after I drank it, it dawned on me that maybe I should check whether it's contraindicated in pregnancy....oh boy. If you're curious, just go and Google "sassafras in pregnancy" and see what horrifyingly scary things come up, including uterine stimulation and birth defects. Uh-huh. No joke.

So then I see, on these other herbal websites, all the OTHER herbs I should avoid in pregnancy. Jeesh. No camomile? Lavender? Seriously? WTF am I supposed to drink? I gave up coffee and now even decaf is kind of not that good anymore, and tea's all I've got left. I like me a hot beverage, and love iced tea in the summer. What, tell me, what can I drink? Any past/present preggos care to chime in? Or, am I just being overly paranoid?

So, here's how our morning went:

We got to the RE's office and my vitals were taken. Then, one of the lovely nurses there came in to chat because, honestly, I don't think they knew what to do with us. It was like--okay, you're here for a pre-op, but you're pregnant? What? How did that happen? Sooo..what are you doing here exactly?! It's not like they said that, but everyone was kind of in awe. So our doc came in, congratulated us, did the scan, and...voila!! An egg sac with a beating heart inside, measuring just what it's supposed to with it's heart beating at precisely the right rate. Ahhhh....relief doesn't even cover it.

At one point though, there were six people in the room including me: our doc, the nurse, the student doctor who is working with our doc, S., and then the regular u/s tech whom we love. Mind you this room is like, smaller than the bathrooms. But--I didn't really care. We got a pic of the little blob, are actually going back in two weeks for a follow-up scan, and....this is the best news...I can stop taking the darn progesterone because doc thinks everything is doing what it's supposed to. YES! Bye-bye, constipation! (Well, you know, until real pregnancy constipation sets in.)

It was a good day. Except for the mechanic who didn't do what he was supposed to (not even going to go into that), everything was lovely.

It's a date!

Good news! I called the office, talked to one of the wonderful IVF nurses who we've had a great relationship with in the past three years, and she actually encouraged me to come in. She's e-mailing my doc to tell her, and she doesn't think it's weird (or immoral) at all. She was even like, "the first ultrasound is just so fun." So, yeah. Guess I have nothing to worry about. Except for worrying about all the other things.

Wednesday it is. It's a date!

Moral Dilemma

Wow, when I actually feel like eating, food is really good. I should have known, 1 week into the tww, that I was pregnant when I ate 5 Chips Ahoy cookies in a row and it was the most euphoric, delicious thing I had ever tasted.

Anyway, on to my moral dilemma. I am scheduled for a surgery to get my cyst removed in two weeks. Obviously, I'm not having the surgery. So here is the dilemma. My pre-op appointment is this Wednesday. Should I go anyway and just say, hey, I'm newly pregnant but just want to make sure the pregnancy is viable before canceling my surgery. Is that ethical? Because I'm sure that an ultrasound is part of my pre-op just to check out the location and size of the cyst.

Is that bad? The thing is, I'm not going to get an ultrasound for a while because we did our IUIs with the midwives instead of our RE. It's pure selfishness, really, me wanting to get an ultrasound to see if things are going well, if there's a real thing with a heart beating, growing inside of me. But am I wasting someone's time and money by going about it this way? I feel really bad, actually. I suppose I could call the office first and check.

What do you think, oh upright moral readers?

The Bubs

Promised pics from the bubba at Easter. From top to bottom, his first car washing experience, opening presents on Easter morning, dressed up, then, no so much during an Easter egg hunt.

Muddling Through--What's Next?

Well, so--still pregnant as far as I know. My appetite is all out of whack-I get hungry, then as soon as I start eating I'm not hungry. No nausea, but just weird food things--like not craving sweets. That is a big giveaway for me--I hardly ate any dessert at Easter yesterday!! I just feel really, really bloated-too bloated to eat a lot. So I guess now we just...wait? Until, what, 10 weeks or so? I don't even know when to go back to the midwife!! AHHHH!!!

Thank you for all your kind comments--they mean a lot to us, as all good bloggy women know. And...holy cow, there will be A LOT of snowbabies (depending on which part of country you live in, that is) popping out this winter!!! YAY!

Pics from Easter soon. Let's just say that when the day started, Theo looked like he came out of a J Crew catalogue. By the end of the day, he looked like we dragged him out of the dumpster.

Extreme Kookiness

It feels extremely kooky to be writing this post, but here goes nothing.

15dpo: 3 positive hpts.

16dpo: paranoid patient that I am, made my midwife give me a beta. beta number = 199

17dpo: took another hpt: still very positive.

18dpo: twiddling my thumbs with anxiety.

19dpo: beta #2 - 600.

Guess this is some for-reals business going on. My doubt stems from all the cramping I've been experiencing since 13dpo or so - which I thought was proof positive AF was on her merry way. Some of it feels grossly uncomfortable, enough to make me not want to stand up, but so far, so good - no spotting to accompany, no AF (although I am taking progesterone supplements). So, here's the proof positive:

I won't subject you all to photos of the other 3 hpts I fervently took this week.

P.S. - for all peeps in know IRL--please don't congratulate me on Facebook. You all have enough common sense to know this, but I've read some horror stories...didn't that happen to someone around here recently?!

P.P.S. - for all the famiglia I'll be seeing this weekend - just tap us on the shoulder and smile, please, until I'm ready to share at large. We are telling my mama and sis when we land there tomorrow morning.

I am feeling the least bit symptomatic of being pregant, and symptoms I do feel (hunger, bloat, sore boobs, extreme anxiety and moodiness) I am attributing to the progesterone. However, I am only 7 dpo, more or less, and with another week to go of the tww, I am trying to stay positive--or at least neutral. If this try does not work, then I am already booked for a surgery to get my cyst removed next month. I am really, really not looking forward to this surgery (it's supposed to hurt for a week after), so I'm keeping my fingers crossed that I see two lines next week.

On a funnier note..my kid is hilarious. And..he is 20 months old. As in 2-0. In a whole other set of numbers old. 24 months seems so, so close. And his mommies...so, so sad. Where is our little boy? Below, witness the big boy consuming an ENTIRE corned beef sandwich at our local St. Patrick's Parade.

And did you know...?

Did you know that, as a side perk of increasing progesterone production (hopefully), B-complex also turns your pee the color of Mountain Dew? Quite amusing!

Oh, NOOOO!

Ahh yes, and as soon as I took comment moderation off, I get a block of Chinese spam, as Shroedinger pointed out. Just loverly!

I feel very good about the timing of these insems. We did one in Noho yesterday at a beauuuutiful new space there called Cr@dle, done by the same mw that delivered Theo (a good sign? I hope so.), then another one this morning. My midwife is fairly certain, as am I, that I ovulated last night because my temp did go up, but I was still very open with LOTS of ewcm. She old me it was as good a timing as she's seen, so that is tre hopeful. I had to go alone this morning and tell a white lie to work about not being able to come to my first 2 classes, but it's all good. Now I just sit back and wait as my nerves jangle about my short luteal phase. I start progesterone supplements Wed. night and bought some B-complex to take in addition.

Aaaaand, guess what word Theo has learned? NO!!! Ahhh, yes, the wonderful world of NO, or, as he likes to say in a way-too cute voice, OH, NOOOOO!!!!!! It takes our all not to imitate him and give him the wrong idea that it's actually a fun and cute word that's okay to say all the time. I guess it was inevitable.

All systems go!

I turned comment moderation OFF. To tell you the truth, it was really more annoying than having to delete random-ass comments. So, feel free to fire away again.

My OPK finally turned positive (jeesh, only took until day 17--lordy my cycle is screwed up) and it looks like I'm heading in tomorrow morning. Yikes. We went for 2 vials this week; our midwives' insem policy with 2 vials is to do the inseminations at 12 hours and 36 hours after a peak reading. To me, the last one seems a little late. Thoughts? I feel like I'm an on-the-early-side ovulator, but don't really have consistent proof because I only started temping last month. Dummy dumb-dumb dummy. ALWAYS DO YOUR TEMPS! Lesson learned. But, at least I'll feel good about tomorrow morning's insem, and hope the egg doesn't leave the nest before Monday morning.

Well. I guess my cycle last month really was a fluke, because I went in for a follicle scan yesterday, day 12, and there was one pretty tiny follicle present. It needs to get twice as big before it's ready. So, probably back for another scan later this week. Waiting, waiting, waiting. Erg. The swimmers (2 vials) are landing tomorrow.

We're also waiting for Spring over here. We got a sneak preview this weekend. Oh boy, was it a good feeling basking the sun, watching the rivulets of melting mountain snow trickle down the hills and into the streams and rivers, and walking---walking outside! Yes, it was muddy, but all the more puddles for Theo to jump into.

Oh yeah, remember Theo? In my megalomaniacal quest to get pregnant, I seemed to have forgotten that this blog is named after the cutest BABY. Jeesh. Well, he's a crazy, hilarious maniac, and that's probably all you need to know for now. Oh yeah...and CUTE!

Proof of the actual sun actually melting the snow:

Mental Health Day

Sorry, this is very annoying to some people, but I had to turn my comment moderation on. I was getting super-weird messages from super-weird places. You know what I mean. So if it takes a day or two for your comments to pop up, please do not be offended! I don't always check my e-mail daily (crazy, I know).

Babysitter's daughter has strep, so Theo's home with me today. I needed a mental health day anyway. Did anyone else have a horrible week?? The weather is just compounding the misery. The planets are definitely aligned in some wacky, wacky way. Hoping next week is better.

Oh - and it's CD2. This confirms it - I have a ridiculously short luteal phase. Since I am 99% sure I ovulated between CD 13 and 14, that would have made my luteal phase for my last cycle 8 days long. 8 days! That is insanity. Progesterone after this month's insem for sure, and if we get a BFN, perhaps onto some Cl@mid? I know it's worked miracles for many of you.

Have a great weekend. If it's snowing where you are - ENJOY IT! Our snow storm this week was a bust, blowing forth drippy, wet snow that turned into 4 inches of slush on our gravel driveway which then turned into pouring rain. Spring, are you around the corner somewhere?

Regrouping

I have to say, I only mourned this cycle for about 6 hours - basically, from the time I woke up and my temp peaked and I knew I had ovulated, to the time I was able to call the sperm bank and cancel our shipment at the last minute. I guess I just felt good that, hey, my cycle was regulating itself, and that I pretty successfully could identify multiple signs pointing to impending ovulation. I'm just hoping with earlier monitoring next cycle we'll have really good timing. I'm feeling good.

Oh, and all our woes from last week seemed to have worked out. I visited my Grammy in the hospital and her recovery is going great; Theo's nose is still weird, but damn he's cute; our car wheel is fixed; and my tire hasn't deflated anymore since the fill-up. Oh yes, things are looking up.

Do check out these pictures of Theo taken by our good friends Stacey & Peter during a Winter walk this weekend. You will laugh when you get to the last one, I guarantee!

When it rains..

Remember that "I'm on vacation and relaxing, damnit!" attitude I had last Thursday? Oh, how things change so quickly.

WARNING: there is lots of what is likely to be interpreted as "whining" in this post. At least, that's what S. would call it. I just call it "talking." But you've been warned either way.

So, where to start. Let's start at the very beginning.

During our weekend trip to Martha's Vineyard, Theo fell off a set of stage stairs flat on his face and got a HUGE shiner on his cute-as-a-button nose. When we returned Sunday, we noticed two incredibly huge and hard lumps on either side of his nose. We thought he may have broken it, so today we got a last-minute appointment with our ped. who does not think it is broken, bruised, or fractured. We totally disagree with her. His nose did NOT have those weird bumps before he fell face-first onto the floor. Grr.

Then, on the way to Theo's gymnastics class on Monday, I drove into a nasty pothole (damn freeze-thaw cycles!) while driving S.'s car. Immediately after, the steering wheel started shaking. I took it in today to get looked at. Diagnosis: a bent wheel. Cost of repair: $200. Yay.

I then find out my grandmother had triple-bypass surgery yesterday, only my mother neglected to call and tell me and now I look like a horrible daughter for not calling her yesterday to see how things went. I think I fixed that mistake and will travel two hours on Friday or Saturday to see my grandmother once she's out of the ICU.

Oh, and the best one yet...I ovulated. And our sperm wasn't supposed to arrive until tomorrow.

Let me explain that I don't usually get a peak reading on my monitor or opks until around days 17-19. I got a peak on my monitor day 13, and by day 14, my follicle was gone. I went in for an ultrasound this morning, and there was nothing left but fluid. That ship sailed sometime last night. And us, sperm-less, could do nothing about it except respectfully bow out of this cycle.

It also snowed yesterday, so I got up at 5:00 this morning to shovel and snowblow to get out of the driveway to make it to my u/s appointment.

Okay, I'm done bitching now. Our bffs are coming back around this way for a visit the rest of the week so we can have some actual fun.

Whining over.

What the hell is with all of my junk blog comments lately? Does anyone else have that problem? I even have the word-thingy on, but it doesn't seem to prevent the random "Hello, nice blog! check out mine at..." comments that lead to random-ass things.

Just a rant. But I'm on vacation now so I.DON'T.CARE! Let the week of relaxing begin.

Conversation Hearts

S: It's almost Valentine's Day. What did you get me?
Me: I thought we weren't exchanging presents. Did you get me something?
S: Yes.
Me: What? Seriously? I thought we agreed not to!
S: I got you 56 million little presents.
Me: What?
::thinks::
Me: Oh. Thanks, baby!

Yes, that's right--more sperm, coming our way soon, next week with an insem hopefully next weekend or the beginning of the week after. We're doing two vials this time - next cycle we're taking off because we don't want to have a baby around Christmas. Selfish, maybe, but hey, if we can control it, why the hell shouldn't we? At least it's one thing we have control over.

I certainly don't have control over this thing right here; just look at the mess he made of my laundry!

Onwards we go. BFN.

I'm glad to have Theo around to cheer me up through this process.

Growing Up

In all the hubbub about our first IUI, we neglected to mention that Theo is officially (as of a week ago) and one-and-a-half-year-old. Or, an 18-month old, depending on your personal preferences.

So what is the lovey up to? All of a sudden, he just knows oh-so much. He points and nods and gesticulates wildly when he's excited about or wants something. Ask him something, and he can point to it. People speak of there being a sign explosion or a language explosion. I wouldn't call it that exactly. It's just--an involvement explosion? I don't know. He's just different in a big-boy way. He also climbs up everything. Stools. Ladders. Couches. Chairs. Tables. Anything mountable he can find a way to scramble up.

On the words front, I don't think he still has officially met the "10 words by 18-months" quota, but some of his frequent words are mama, munny (for mommy), lala (elmo), ball, ba (for bottle, though he doesn't take one anymore, so it now means a sippy cup of milk), light (sort of), and I swear the other day he said "stair" as we were going upstairs, but who knows.

So, not 10. But, he points and nods and babbles away. I'm not really worried, but I'm no early childhood specialist like my darling wife, who analyzes everything Theo does. The car pile-ups down his parking garage ramp; the occasional lining up of cars. Does it mean anything? Of course not necessarily. But she's still watching him like a helicopter mom. One of the teachers at S.'s schools, after hearing Theo's list of "symptoms," like not being able to hold his spoon properly, said, "oh, yeah. you should get him tested." Sometimes S. needs to be kept in check.

And, sometimes it's a bad thing when teachers turn into parents.

And did I mention the boy self-weaned himself off the bottle? He did indeed. Just stopped being interested in it at night and now happily (er, sort of) will have his pajamas put on, his teeth brushed, a book read to, and then plop into bed.

That's the love. He never stops moving and never stops amazing us and testing us. I think we're already getting a preview of the fabled terrible twos, as he's taking to smacking us in the fact without warning. Yes. Any advice on that one? Maybe in another post.

Self-medicating

I am self-medicating the way I learned it watching S. get multiple IUIs and me prepare my body for the 2 embryo transfers we did last year. After most of S.'s IUIs, she was given prometrium supplements to bulk up her lining and prevent an early lining loss, which may trigger miscarraige.

Me, I have a ridiculously short luteal phase--we're talking 10 days at best, and I've even had it as low as 7 or 8 days. I am so paranoid that, should this insemination have actually worked, that the pregnancy won't take or last because I ovulated so late in my cycle (CD 19 was the insem and I think I ovulated that afternoon/night).

One would think my cycle length would be commensurate with my late ovulation, but it's normal - 28 to 29 days, leaving me this month, best case scenario, with a 10 day luteal phase. Not long enough for my comfort.

Since we did the IUI Friday afternoon, there was no one in the office to talk to, so I am planning on giving them a call tomorrow just to check and make sure it's okay. I kind of feel like it's in the "can't hurt-might help" category--I just want to make sure I'm not taking too much.
Returning the blasted tank tomorrow via FedEx. Always a joy to see the look on the FedEx worker's face when picking up and returning a large box labeled "Biological Shipper."

Did we mention how sick Theo is AGAIN? What the heck. Ear infection, on antibiotics. Had a high fever for a few days and a snotty nose and coughy chest. Poor bug, but he is finally on the mend.

Down the Hatch

IUI #1 (and hopefully "and only") is done. It was terrible. I won't horrify everyone with too many details, but basically the insemination induced body-bending cramps resulting in nausea and, um..other stuff the cramps can induce...for nearly 45 minutes. I mean, I was dizzy, sweating, shaking...it was not a pretty sight. WHY? Has this happened to anyone else before? S. also had some bad insems where the cramping was really painful. But this..this was just...enough to make you never want to be pregnant!

Annnddd..to top off the weirdness, the first time the midwife looked at the sperm under the microscope, the sperm were all DEAD. Not moving. Nothing. So she checked again and then...magic! There were a ton of them swimming around. Strange, strange, strange.

All in all, it's a day I am glad is over.

And now we wait.

Dear Body, Please Behave. Love, Me.

My body is doing weird things.

Note: please stop reading if you do not enjoy/cannot take reading about weird things that go on when women are trying to reproduce.

So, my cyst (I feel like I should name it. Any suggestions? It's pretty hefty.) may be causing these strange things to happen before they are supposed to: ewfm before I have even hit the "medium" reading on my fertility monitor; low, low cramping; and extreme mood swings.

Example: I started crying in Ikea yesterday when S. suggested that I should probably go try to use the restroom. What the heck??!! We had to take a detour through some ugly bookshelves until I composed myself.

Then, later that day, I started to have these strange, low low cramps, but according to the fertility monitor that morning, I was still on "low" fertility. Odd. (I still have them, by the way.)

And then..oh yes, and then...I went into the bathroom later on that day to find...ewfm. I was all, seriously, body? Are you really doing this to me when my sperm isn't even going to be in the same time zone as me until Tuesday??!!

So, I peed on an OPK. Nothing. It totally corroborated the evidence from my monitor that morning. I was so sure this morning I would either move up to medium or get a peak reading, but it was still LOW!!! LOW!!

What is going on? Is this going to be the one month my body doesn't follow the pattern? Go figure. Go freaking figure.

Wait, I said I wasn't going to freak out, so I'm going to go make myself some hot chocolate, enjoy the Golden Globes, and not thing about what my body is doing wrong or right.

Feelin' Groovy

Well, I think I'm ready. I'm as ready as I'll ever be for whatever comes. We picked a new donor, arranged to work with our midwives who delivered Theo to do insems for at least a couple of months, and ordered said specimen to arrive next week for the big day. My monitor seems to be working, and there's a fresh box of OPKs under the sink.

I kind of can't wait to start, because I just have a feeling this may be a long trip ahead. But who knows? With no indication of whether I'm fertile or not, anything goes.

I feel relaxed, which is very uncharacteristic of me. Does this mean that something is WRONG already??

::Cue freak-out::

Just kidding. You will certainly know when freak-out time has arrived. For now, enjoy the silence.

Wasn't Expecting That One!

We met with our R.E. yesterday to talk about our next steps, whether she thought I needed to be tested because we failed with our 2 FETs, and how insems would work at their clinic. (It's been quite a long time since we've been there for that and we honestly couldn't remember.) Looking over my chart, she noted again the 5 cm cyst I have on my left ovary and thought there was a possibility that I had endometriosis.

Come again?! Okay, this cyst has been sitting on my ovary for years now, and no one has ever mentioned the "E" word before. And when one is about to embark on an unknown journey into conception with donor sperm, that's about the last thing she wants to hear.

She described other symptoms of endometriosis and it was like running down a checklist of my cycles. Cramping before period but after ovulation: yup. Cramping after period is through: yup. Occasional spotting after period is over: yup.

Oh crap.

A large boulder has started to form inside my stomach. However, at this point we have absolutely no clue how or even if potential endo. will interfere with conception. We haven't even tried my eggs yet, remember?? But she was noticing from past ultrasounds that most of my follicles end up growing on my right ovary, not my left.

Clomid, anyone?

For now, we decided that we're actually going to do a couple of natural cycles using the monitor, OPKs and our midwife's office instead of the R.E. It's more low-key and probably cheaper for us in the long run to try it this way. And hey, we'll see what happens. If I do have endo, it's probably a mild case, as it only causes me slight discomfort if any, my tubes are clear, and the cyst hasn't grown significantly (at least not yet, anyway). She offered laproscopy as a possibility to remove the cyst, but that just sounds too scary right now.

So, we're gearing up for our first insem, my first ever IUI, in a couple of weeks with the midwife. A new donor. A new kind of insemination for me. A shot for my eggs to cooperate. And, of course, a shot at a new baby.

Whoa.

--cd

Mystery Word

Theo has a mystery word. He's been uttering a word that sounds like "pie" for several days now. I suppose it could be pie, but the way he says it, it's more like, "piiiiiiiiiiie, piiiiiiiiiie."

He's not necessarily pointing at anything when he says it either. Hmmm...

Burgeoning language skills are fun - and mysterious.

Highs/Lows

So, I've been told several times in the last 24 hours that it is not, in fact, the turn of the decade. Who cares. It feels like it, so that's what I'm believing in.

At the very least, I will indulge in more reminiscing by reviewing the highs and lows of 2009, to put them behind me in anticipation of the New Year and hopeful Good New Stuff in Our Lives.

HIGHLIGHTS (Theo-related stuff):

Seeing Theo turn 1. Holy crap. My kid went from an infant to a baby-toddler who walks, talks, and feeds himself.



Beaching it up in RI.



Stumbling around the yard during our gorgeous New England fall.



Experiencing the wonder and joy of Christmas.



Additional highs: us becoming a "Mac" (sorta) family with the purchase of a M@cBook and a Touch (yes this is exciting, dammit!); family beach vacation; S. feeling like a seriously rocking teacher; an actual brand new, purchased appliance in the form of a new washer/dryer pair, making us feel oh-so grown up.

LOWLIGHTS:

Yes, there are always lowlights. This year was particularly hard on our family, as we lost S.'s grandmother, my grandfather, and our family dog, Ringo in about a 4-month span of time. The holidays this year were especially tough as we felt the absence of their presences at our holiday tables (and under it, in Ringo's case).

Ringo nuzzling a 3-month-old Theo


We thought were were ready for a new dog, but when we went to look at some shelter dogs, we realized that, while our hearts went out to these homeless animals, they weren't ready to be opened wide all the way to be let in. The space is still occupied. I think we also realized that at Theo's age, a new pet is probably not idea. When Theo turns 4 or 5, and he can be involved in all the day-to-day parts of having a new dog, it will be time. Other lowlights: being pregnant for like, a week, then being not-not-not pregnant and my body having to deal with the consequences of that. We are reading to head into the next year with our hearts and my body fully invested in taking ttc seriously as we try to give Theo a sibling.

I already wished you all warmest New Year's wishes, but once again, may you eat well, love well, and be well in 2010.

Insane Decade

I've been thinking back a lot on the past 10 years. I went from a 20-year-old college student to a 30-year-old mother with a wife, house, and steady job. For ha-has, here's a list of random assorted facts, figures and events from the past 10 years.

In the last 10 years, I went from: age 20 to age 30.

I lived in: 2 dormitories, 5 apartments, and 1 house in 2 different countries and 2 different states with a total of 13 different roommates

For school, I: graduated college and then, 3 years or so later, from grad school

Had: 3 different jobs and 2 different careers

Dated: really only a handful of people, one of whom I'm married to now

Gained: 10-15 pounds

Saw: the Twin Towers in flames down the street, the first Black president, the birth of my son, the legalization of gay marriage in many places, and myself commit to someone forever

There's a whole lot more that happened, obviously, but those are some of the major events of my whirlwind decade. Most of those things happened within the first 5 years of the last decade, with the past 4 years being incredibly steady and the same (except for that whole wife giving birth thing). What a strange transformation 20 to 30 is! I'm mostly happy to be putting the tumult of my early 20's behind me for good and looking forward to what 30 plus has in store.

May your New Year's Eves be special and meaningful--even if it's just you hanging around the house with those you love most. That's what I'll be doing tonight-thankfully and blessedly ringing in the next 10 years of insanity.

Happiest of Days

So...WE MADE IT! It is Christmas Day. Our Christmas Eve preparations done, the dinner made and consumed, and now we get to actually relax with family. I can't explain to you how many times we felt like we were going to drop out of sheer exhaustion for the last week or so. Christmas Day is always easiest for us--we get to relax at S.'s parent's house and eat delicious food that I don't have to cook! This year we are joined by her brother, sis-in-law, and cousin Jackson who is 6 months younger than Theo. They were certainly spoiled this year by everyone!

And just to add to the excitement of a pile of presents...Theo's Auntie A. surprised us with a GIANT Elmo balloon. This is the very picture of sheer joy, excitement, and wonder.

Merry Christmas to all!

Theo's fever seems to be winding way, way down. Thank goodness. Cold symptoms, however, seem to be setting in. Not so thankful for that.

For now, winter shots. I cannot believe the holidays will start colliding and exploding in nearly a week. May merriness abound (you know, after the floor is washed, house is cleaned, laundry is folded, meal is planned and baby is well).


Winterberry


Hey..let me out there, Mama!


Homemade wreath


Homemade baby

Sicks Kiddos and Holiday Hell

I'm reading a lot of posts lately about sick bebes, and just to throw one more into the mix, Theo has some kind of massive bug going on. Saturday night, during a birthday party, the kid would.not.eat. For those of you who know Theo, this a sign that something is seriously wrong. He felt really hot so we took his temp and it was 103.something. Whoa. Now the house was crowded, and he and his buddy N., who is 4 months older, had been running around the house chasing each other all day long in joyful, screaming glee, but still. We T.ylenoled him up but a few hours later, he was still blazing hot.

Yesterday his temp actually got up to 104.3. Yikes.

Our ped. says it is probably the oink.oink.flu. Or, since the seasonal flu is just about peaking around these parts, that. He's on Tama.flu and lots of T.ylenol and M.otrin which is working to lower his fever to the 99-102 range. Definitely less scary than 104. Fortunately he's eating and drinking okay now and (knock on lots of wood right now) sleeping through the night. With a family holiday party this weekend and last-minute shopping and holiday meal preparation, we are hoping this virus passes quickly so we can drag him through what will be a crazy next week and a half or so.

*Frustration*

I've been brewing up this post since the weekend, but got distracted/overwhelmed/annoyed to tears by Sears. Yes, Sears - google it, see if I care. Sears has been so disappointing. We ordered a fancy-pants washer/dryer - they sent it vented incorrectly and were unwilling to cooperate by scheduling a convenient time for the second delivery. So, diapers dirty since Sat., 1 hour 20 minutes on the phone, and it better get delivered tonight or it's all going back. Never again, Sears.

Anyway.

Speaking of annoying... baby showers! Why do we women do this to ourselves and pretend to like it. All showers. No, yours was not any better. I love the camaraderie of women, I really do. I enjoy a nice meal. I get that we all need the "stuff". I love your baby. I love you. What I hate is the sitting, the chit-chat, the reading of the cards and special notes, the games, watching someone open gifts, and ooh-and-ahhing for 4 hours on a weekend, when all I want to do is be home, getting things done and spending time with Theo.
I have a great solution! Happy-hour shower! It's a block of time, you come in, chat, leave your gift, have a conversation with the mommy-to-be, she can even open your present if that's your fancy. Food? Yes. Drinks? Yes. Presents? Yes. And you stay or leave whenever you like. Good, right? We need to band together women of the world and revolt!!!

Update: Sears brought us the dryer but gave us the wrong cord and just left. Ahhhhhh.

Lights! Smiles! Action!

I'm kind of going into post-withdrawal, so here I am, posting...something.

How is your holiday shopping going? Well, we did something we thought we'd never, ever do--put lights on our front porch! Icicle hanging lights! Ahhhhh! There is a reason, however. We usually put those candles in the window, but with a little baby-toddler running amok around here, and one who is obsessed with lights at that, we were pretty sure they would all be smashed on the floor in a matter of minutes. But we wanted something sparkly and bright on the house. So---we bit the bullet and put the lights up tonight. To my surprise...they actually look really GOOD! We also have a homemade wreath (a Thanksgiving tradition at S.'s mom's house - before dinner wreath making with handpicked greens) with white lights hanging on the porch. We're in all sorts of Christmas spirit around here. Did I mention we also have our tree up? A fakey again this year, a smallish tabletop one. Again, the baby-toddler.

We'll leave you with some picks of our surly boy. You cannot get that kid to crack a smile when you try, but when he's ready to be happy, he's happy.

At the start of photo session--not so happy!
(This is what we'd call a "typical" Theo look--the kid sure can pout)

Warming up! (this ended up being our best shot!)


Finally, a genuine giggle and Theo accepts his fate.

Parting Thoughts

We made it!

Things I liked the most about daily blogging:

• getting to read comments from people whose blogs I've never read before and now have hooked up to my G@ogle reader. it makes me feel much more "in the loop." I feel like once we got pregnant, there was a whole "class" of us, so to speak, who graduated and I lost track of the undergrads, so it's good to be reading new journeys again!

• having a place to vent

• feeling mildly accomplished

Things I disliked:

• the pressure of having to blog every day. Some days we barely came in under the wire! Ahh!

• not having anything to say some days, which just highlighted our rather boring lives

• whoever was the last one awake ended up doing the daily post, although most of the time we would watch over each others' shoulders

And there you have it! It's not quite the finale, since we're obviously keeping our blog and it's not like you'll never hear from us again, but I do feel a bit of parting sadness as the big sharing is kind of done for now. For those of you who followed along, we thank you. It's nice to know someone with a pulse is reading out there. Thank you for your comments on issues from the technical to the emotional to the mundane. And, for those of you who also participated, thank you! It was nice to have buddies also dragging their asses to their computers every evening to say whatever is on their minds (even if it's nothing).

See you in December - albeit a bit less frequently!

NaBloPoMo Nearing Its End

This is our second-to-last post for NaBloPoMo. How did we do? I felt like daily blogging was both a chore and a pleasure. There were many nights when we'd sit there and really struggle to come up with something, anything, to write, and others where it felt easy and refreshing to vent, share, whatever. I'm wondering what our blogging habits will be like now--whether we'll be more diligent about writing, or slip back into our 'we're way too busy for this' mode and let it slide.

And can I share with you one of the big reasons we kept on blogging this month? If we stopped, we wouldn't be eligible for any of the prizes! I know the prizes are stupid, but it's fun to enter contests, and in the past year or two we've had pretty good luck winning stuff thanks to generous bloggers and Prizey (which, if you have the time and organization to keep up with, we highly recommend doing!! We won our extremely expensive organic crib mattress that way!)

I will think I'll miss having to think about what to post every night. So who knows--maybe you'll keep hearing from us after all is said and done.

Season of Light

The holidays are in full swing around here these days. Thanksgiving is definitely the kick-start to our festivities. We've already achieved some measure of Christmas shopping success and begun the whirlwind family visits. I am usually quite a Grinch, but am actually looking forward to this year since Theo is just so incredibly different now than last year at this time (duh!). I think he's just going to love the holidays--the food, the company, the toys, the kids---and the lights! We think Theo's first word is light ("aight!"), so the lights on all the Christmas trees and store displays are pretty much putting him over the top. Below, Theo's weekend highlights: Thanksgiving dinner, admiring the color wheel on his grandparents' awesome vintage tinsel tree (I'm pretty sure he's thinking "OMG--lights AND motion? A.W.E.S.O.M.E.!, tub time with bubbles, and being amazed at how many "AIGHTS!" are on this thing! WOW!

Yes--the holiday magic has begun.

And, umm...I tried to post pictures of all these amazing highlights of Theo's weekend, but damn slow blogger won't upload my damn pictures and there are only 5 minutes left to get my daily post in. ARRRGGG!!! I'll try again tomorrow!

Update: Pics are here!

Day two of Thanksgiving! C.'s sister made us a delicious T-day dinner tonight. I love two days of gorging on the most delicious food.

Went Black Friday shopping (not until 8am) and picked up a new washer/dryer. S@msung. Got great reviews, any experiences? Went in for the steam version, which were sold out by 5:30am. Ended up with the non-steam version but are just as happy. Hope they get the stink out of those cloth diapers. Because, yes, they stink. All. the. time.

Tired, full. And still feeling very thankful for it all.

We're stuffed!

The end of another holiday where we were privileged enough to have way too much food, way too much fun, and way too many family members around to hang out with. The kids (4 under the age of 6) were crazy and they totally trashed the living room, but we could have cared less. All in all, the end to another satisfying day.

Pics tomorrow. I forgot my camera cord at home. Oops.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

Theo Sure Gets Pushed Around!

Theo had his 15-month appointment today (even though he just turned 16-months) and here are his stats! Our pedi always refers to him as an Adonis. Our boy? *blush*

Height: 32 1/2 inches (80th percentile)
Weight: 27.6 lbs. (80th percentile)

Don't remember head, but it was in the 75th. So, he's totally proportionate!

And such a chubby love. Oh, I love his chubbiness. Witness the bare legs below. Here is his non-bio cousin/girlfriend F. showing off how strong she is by pushing my lubba around - literally!

We started poking around on Cry@bank again for a donor. It feels...like starting over. It is in many ways. I have to get all new paperwork signed and sent in, I have to go to the ob or midwife to have them sign off, and then, of course, we have to actually pick a donor. Much to our chagrin there are hardly any Polish, blue-eyed donors out there. Who knew? They're everywhere in this part of MA and CT, so we figured it wouldn't be that hard and they must be everywhere. Though S. is only a quarter Polish, our donor was half, so Theo turned out to be quite the little squishy boy, S.'s grandfather's younger self perhaps---blonde, blue-eyed, chubby-cheeked, angelically devilish looking (though our donor looked nothing like this!).

Where do we go from here? I don't like this process, I will not lie. It makes me feel vaguely like I'm cheating or doing something wrong. I know that the feeling will pass, we will make a choice that makes us feel at peace, and everything will work out. It's just kind of harder than I thought it would be.

Double Meme

A NaBloPoMo Meme from both of us!!!!

1. What is the color of your toothbrush?
S: Clear
C: Pink and Clear
2. Name one person who made you smile today.
Both: Theo
3. What were you doing at 8 am this morning?
S: Lounging in bed
C: Making French toast
4. What were you doing 45 minutes ago?
S: Comparison shopping washer and dryers
C: Reading a David Sed@ris essay
5. What is your favorite candy bar?
S: Reeses Peanut Butter Cup
C: Heath Bar
6. Have you ever been to a strip club?
Both: nope
7. What is the last thing you said aloud?
S: Sit down and write this with me
C: Are you ready for bed yet?
8. What is your favorite ice cream?
S: Usually Peanut butter, but I'm into Peppermint these days
C: Vanilla Heath Bar crunch
9. What was the last thing you had to drink?
Both: Pomegranate juice mixed with seltzer
10. Do you like your wallet?
S: Yes. It's perfect.
C: Yes. It's red.
11. What was the last thing you ate?
S: Peppermint ice cream
C: Egg salad
12. Have you bought any new clothing items this week?
S: A great deal at Old N@vy today. An off-white sweater.
C: New stretch pants, same deal!
13. The last sporting event you watched?
S: The Orioles/Red Sox game I went to in June.
C: Part of the World Series
14. What is your favorite flavor of popcorn?
S: Normal style, with nutritional yeast.
C: Mixed with M&M's
15. Who is the last person you sent a text message to?
Both: Each other - we are not texters!
16. Ever go camping?
S: In girl scouts
C: Never, nor do I have a desire to.
17. Do you take vitamins daily?
S: Not these days, but I should.
C: Yes.
18. Do you go to church every Sunday?
Both: No, never.
19. Do you have a tan?
Both: Not in New England in November, no way.
20. Do you prefer Chinese food over pizza?
S: No C: No
21. Do you drink your soda with a straw? Both: No
22. What did your last text message say?
S: In meeting don't have to pick up Theo would be cool if u did
C: I'm coming to get Theo
23. What are you doing tomorrow?
S: working, dinner with my cousin and her kids
C: ditto
24. Favorite color?
S: Mine changes all the time. That's what I tell my first graders!
C: Doesn't have one. But it used to be pink.
25. Look to your left; what do you see?
S: Radio Flyer Bouncy Rocking horse
C: S.
26. What color is your watch?
Both: Believe it or not, neither of us wear a watch.
27. What do you think of when you hear “Australia”?
S: Wildlife
C: Hugh Jackman
28. Would you strip for money?
S: No C: No
29. Do you go in a fast food place or just hit the drive thru?
S: We only ever eat it in the mall.
C: Drive thru coffee
30. What is your favorite number?
S: 8 C: 3
31. Who’s the last person you talked to on the phone?
S: My mother
C: My mother
32. Any plans today? Both: It's time to go to bed!!
33. In how many states have you lived? Both: 2, MA and NY
34. Biggest annoyance right now?
S: Trying to figure out what washer/dryer to buy
C: This meme
35. Last song listened to?
S: Nellie McKay
C: I don't remember
36. Can you say the alphabet backwards? S: Yes C:No
37. Do you have a maid service clean your house? Both: We wish.
38. Favorite pair of shoes you wear all the time?
S: Black Merrells
C: Leopard print flats
39. Are you jealous of anyone?
S: Sure
C: yeah
40. Is anyone jealous of you?
S: Probably not
C: Doesn't seem likely
41. Do you love anyone?
Both: Of course!
42. Do any of your friends have children?
Both: Some of them
43. What do you usually do during the day?
Both: Teach
44. Do you hate anyone that you know right now?
S: My grandmother always told me you could only hate one person in your entire life. So, no.
C: No
45. Do you use the word hello daily?
Both: Yes
46. What color is your car?
S: Silver C: Green
47. What size wedding ring do you wear?
Both: No idea.
48. Are you thinking about someone right now?
S: Maybe Theo if he cries again. Damn molars.
C: Trying to concentrate
49. Have you ever been to Six Flags?
S: Yes C: No, even though we have one 20 minutes away!
50. How did you get your worst scar?
S: Fell on a playground when I was little.
C: Surgery to remove lump from boob.