Fun City, Bad Cable

Just when we're thinking, what the heck are we doing with this house in the country, we get to go to Northampton for the day and all our doubts melt away. After a tussle with the lawnmower (again), we spent the afternoon in Northampton shopping their massive sidewalk sales with S.'s cousin and her totally freakin' adorable new baby. He never fusses or cries, so of course we have this warped view of what having an infant is going to be like. Regardless, we enjoyed a lovely Noho afternoon with good food and company. Any lesbian who hasn't yet made a pilgramage to the lesbian capital of the Northeast must go! Small city with a lot of character, interesting people, liberal politics, and amazing food. It's where S. and I picture raising our children and attending lesbian parenting support groups (yes, I daydream about attending lesbian parenting support groups!).

In the meantime, our municipal cable company doesn't carry Bravo or the WB, so we can't watch "Project Runway" and then in the fall we can't watch...wait, I can't say it...."Gilmore Girls." (Waaaaaahhhhhhhh!!!!!!!) I just don't know what to do. No "Gilmore Girls?" With such a cliffhanger at the end of last season??!! Looks like I'm heading up to my in-laws every Tuesday night!
--cd

Dial Up is Just...

So as you may have guessed, S.'s re-test results were negative. She ended up spotting later the same day as the second test. Of course, we didn't know for sure sure until today--when we called the office. They had no record of the blood test, so it took some detective work, but a nice lady in the office kindly informed up that the test was indeed negative. We're "taking August off," so don't ask me what I'm going to talk about on the blog for the next month, but it will probably involve the hassles of new home ownership and the hunt for a new doctor, which we are not looking forward to. How could anyone compare with Dr. K (even if he didn't manage to knock S. up)?

I'm about to break down and order DSL because dial-up is just...well...it's just not cutting it for me. Do you notice the lack of posts? It's because of the fear of facing how long it takes for me to boot up the computer and log on. Luckily I've been parked in front of the TV so it sort of distracts me from how incredibly painful this is (the dial-up, I mean!). -- cd

Stay Away From Me, Spam!

I am so annoyed right now. So, first off, we're still on vacation in NH and drove all the way to Concord to Quest to get our BHCG test yesterday. Dr. K. called today with the results---"borderline." I guess S.'s levels are a 6, and since 5 is negative, 6 is a little low to be an actual positive. This makes us want to cry. We have to go back to Concord today for another test, and we won't find out until tomorrow morning. By the way, Dr. K. is going to Greece for the next several weeks, starting tomorrow, so don't ask me how we're going to find out the results.

Secondly, we just found out we have COMMENT SPAM! What is up with this?! We were all excited that people were reading our blog, and then we find out that it's someone from a mortgage company and an on-line poker forum. How inappropriate! It's not like we have a gaming blog, or even a house blog. Does anyone else have this problem? And how do you get rid of it?

We're trying to salvage our day by going over to Concord shortly and then climbing a mountain and canoeing/kayaking in the lake later on. Hopefully this will accomplish our vacation goals of being relaxed and being pregnant.
--cd

R&R

Everything went smoothly, we are all moved in and have begun the unpacking process. Which I think is pretty fun. It's so nice to be home. Now, we're headed out for a few days of rest and relaxation! We need it! We should have some news by the time we return home.
-sp

Who could ask for anything more?

When S. moved to NY 4 years ago, she didn't want to come here. She moved because she needed a change, needed to get out of Western Mass, and needed to be near me--and I refused to leave NYC after only being here a year. We didn't live together for a year after she moved--it was just too much, too fast for me to not only be in a serious relationship and in-love, but to be with a woman to boot! And when I helped move her from her apt. in Western Mass. to her apt. in Westchester, she said to me in the U-Haul, "I can't wait until next year when we're riding this U-Haul in the opposite direction, with you driving because I'm pregnant!" Well, I thought I just might choke when she said that!

Luckily it all worked out, and hopefully what she said 4 years ago will come true 4 years later--that we'll be riding (albeit in my Jeep, as we're in a position to actually hire movers this time!) heading in the opposite direction, me driving, S. pregnant. If you asked me 5 years ago when I moved to Brooklyn what my life would be like 5 years in the future, this isn't likely what I would have said. But for all the weird twists and turns my life has taken, all the demons I've faced and have faced me, I couldn't trade tomorrow--me driving back North to a house I've poured sweat, blood, and love into, with my baby, my doggy, and hopefully my baby's baby--for anything more.
--cd

Halftime report

I am 7 days past ovulation (dpo), which means I'm halfway through the terrible two-week-wait (tww). It hasn't been too terrible, though I know the second half is always WAY worse than the first. Now begins the desperate search for implantation/pregnancy signs. I've poked my boobs so many times today that they are sore - just from the poking. It's dangerous to get my hopes up because, really, I have to attribute the normal pregger signs to the progesterone I am taking to help lengthen my luteal phase. I won't even get my period until after I stop taking them, so I truly have to wait for the test results next week.
So here we are waiting. Waiting...and moving two states away into our first house, and going to a wedding, and going on vacation. You'd think all this would distract me and make the time pass relatively quickly, but no. -sp

"Dirty Little Word"

It's just too friggin' hot to do much. However, we worked our butts off aaaall weekend trying to get the shackhole in order for our move on Wednesday. Accordingly, we didn't let S. touch anything that might be mildly toxic and impede implantation, including staining, painting, heavy lifting, and cleaning (except vacuuming-she's a champ at that!). I think her mother thought we were being a little stupid and overly-cautious, but at $500 a pop, I think we can afford to slow down and be a little careful!

Looks like we'll be in New Hampshire when we're supposed to do our 2-week test, so I don't know what we'll be doing about that. I guess a home pregnancy test, but that makes me nervous, plus we'll be at our friends' family lake house. Wouldn't it be swell if they saw the pregnancy test in the trash and thought it was our friends'! So, we have to find a hospital or a lab or something and get that squared away. Also, we found out this weekend that our town doesn't have their high-speed internet up and running so we may have to use (choke, cough, gasp) dial-up for a little bit. I think we'll spring for the Verizon DSL. Isn't it funny how "dial-up" is such a dirty little word now?

Nurture v. Frizz

My hair is just a frizzmongo mess today. You see, I have very curly hair, and during most of the summer it's like a halo, standing at least an inch above my skull. In the winter it's dry and brittle. And why did we choose a donor with curly hair? I dunno. I am very attached to my stubborn and annoying curls because I see them as some sort of reflection of my personality. Rebellious but somewhat classy if you manage to tame them with enough gel and conditioner. So I am hoping my child will have these same qualities, though his or her hair. He or she will have S.'s stubborness, practicality, and mechanical sense, and hopefully, since we did purposefully seek out a donor with curls, my hair. That's all that really matters is the hair. Hopefully, he or she will not have my sense of balance or my common sense, which are practically non-existent.

I am a firm believer in nurture - I have to be, since biologically, the first child won't be of my mettle. I can only hope my abrasive personality and bad hair rub off on the kid.

Check it out!

OK ttc'ers. I figured it out. Tech-speak does not come to me intuitively, so it took a bit of patience and lots of trial and error. I now have a link to my ovulation chart in the sidebar. Take a look - what do you think? -sp

I'm the cranky one

It's really hot out and I'm cranky-pants. S. hasn't been nearly as cranky as I have, and she's the one with $1,000 worth of sperm inside of her! So, in order to make myself feel better, I'm posting my wish list. These are all the things I want to happen instantaneously, and I'll feel just great when I get my way!

I want...

my mortgage to be all squared away; my car to get better gas mileage; my cat to not be sick; my dog to walk himself; my apartment to pack itself; the movers to charge less than their estimate; me to not be so sweaty; the humidity to go away; my house to be complete; my father to wake up tomorrow and decide that he's been an asshole for the past 5 years and he's really, really sorry; my grandmother to feel better; my grandfather to not be so old and cranky.

And though it's not at the top of the list, it is of course at the top of my thoughts: for S. to be PREGNANT! At last! Please! I don't know who I'm pleading with because I don't make bargains with god anymore, so if there's some sort of pregnancy spirit out there, it would be really swell of you to pay us a visit.

I do have a lot of hope this cycle, though. Besides the 2 insems, it was a full moon last night, S.'s egg was really, really large and ready to drop, and we switched to sperm that has already achieved pregnancy. So--all these things make me happy and not nervous for our tww. Just hoping my crankiness dies down a bit.

--CD

Here come the boys!

All the swimmers are in. Two vials and $1000 worth of sperm! We had two separate insems yesterday - one at 10:30 am and one at 10:30 pm - and C. says I don't take her out on exciting dates! It seems like the timing was good. With the juicy 22mm egg spotted, the HCG trigger shot was given and at 24 hourse and 36 hours we did the insems. That's about perfect according to the research I've done. Insems are not fun - I think they're painful eventhough all the books say they shouldn't be, if the cervix is open like it should be. Whatever...shh...I don't even like tampons. So I was not as lighthearted as maybe a typical conception is. After the morning insem I was very "spampy" - a term I learned on the message boards - sperm cramps. It is like putting a foreign object up there - I've been an outright lesbian for 10+ years. Makes sense to me. But, I feel fine today.

Other ttc'ers - I'm a little worried about my bbt temperatures. I know ovulation was triggered by the hcg and that my own ovulation is overided, but I wanted to see that temperature rise, and I didn't. It was the lowest it ever has been. Does that mean I might actually ovulate today and I missed it? I'm going to try and make my ticker on the site a link to my chart at ff so you can check it out. Experiences please....

Plump and Juicy Eggs Here!

I love Dr. K. because he does a play-by-play of all of S's ultrasounds. Today went a little something like this:

"Oh, look at this nice juicy, plump egg here-22 mm! And oh, this uterine stripe! Lookin' nice!"

Since I sort of know what I'm looking at now, I was oohing and ahhhing along with him. He always prints out a picture of S's egg and says, "for the scrapbook." I hope that I can show that picture to my kid one day and say see, this is how you started-a nice juicy, plump little egg!

S. will be taking Prometrium this time around since we suspect she has a short luteal phase. Did you know the warnings on the bottle say NOT to take it if you are pregnant or trying to become pregnant? That's reassuring, huh? But of course we ran to the internet to look it up, and it alleviated all our worries. Not that we don't trust Dr. K., but when a drug has a fat red sticker on it saying NOT to take it if you're trying to become pregnant, one hopes you pause a moment to find out what the issue is.

Insems are tomorrow morning and night. I really, really, really hope the liquid nitrogen lasts until 10:00 tomorrow evening. Where do you get liquid nitrogen anyway? A party store? I remember having it at a 5th grade haunted house, so it can't be all that hard to come by!
--CD

Bigger! Better! Faster! More!

According to dictionary.com, here is the definition of motility:
n. ability to move spontaneously and independently

Here is the definition according to the Lesbian TTC Dictionary (which I am writing):
n. the potency and speed at which sperm travels through a catheter into S.'s uterus, increasing our chances of getting preggers

We did some digging and managed to finagle the motility count of our current donor from the sperm bank. Turns out he's at a respectable 41 million. Because we've tried twice with this guy to no avail, we considered switching donors. We decided that whoever had the fastest swimmers would be the lucky one picked. It turned out that our next choice, the new guy, has an average motility of 75 million. 75! That's like two for the price of one compared to our old guy (poor slow swimmer). Plus, this new guy has already achieved a pregnancy, while old guy has not.

So--we're following the numbers and hoping statistics will be on our side. We're switching donors this month to Mr. Speedy-Sperm, and doing two insems. We're very hopeful and Dr. K. is being nice and patient and tolerant of all our craziness, as usual. May the fastest swimmer be our baby daddy!

Happy Anniversary Baby!

Yes, we got married on July 4th! I like to think of it as our way of asserting our independance, rather than showing our patriotism. Last year, we had two of the most beautiful days in the summer to celebrate our love with family and friends. It was a bit of a thrown together affair - but it was perfect for us. On the 3rd we had a picnic with lots of family and friends. It involved a mean croquet tournament on a regulation court - of which my brother took very seriously. There were brackets for goodness sake and my parents won - of course! There was good food, good booze, good music, a chocolate fountain and wiffle ball too! It was a glorious day.

The next day we had a smaller gathering of people in the garden of a local park. A local justice of the peace married us in front of 40 of our closest family and friends. It was a beautiful simple ceremony with none of the 'pomp' that doesn't suit us anyhow. One of the funnier moments was when we were ready to start we just turned to the standing crowd, waved our hands around and said "we're ready! are you? pay attention!", for lack of any other start signal. We were so thankful to our friends and family for supporting us. The only person who couldn't find it in his heart to accept it was C.'s dad. Which is sad. He missed a hell of party. Afterward, there was brunch at a local Hotel which was oh so yummy.

And we made it through the year! I couldn't have imagined it better. My baby, my cute squidge doggy and sexy kitty. A house we have put blood sweat and tears into for over a year that is just about ready to move into. A perfect pear tree in the front yard that we planted as our anniversary gift to one another. If this cycle is ours - if I end up pregnant - it would be like the cherry on top. It's almost to good to be true. I love my baby - as she asked Dr. K tonight at our ultrasound about my ovaries and follicles, I was just beaming! Beaming with a dildo-cam up my twat! I've never been so proud.