We're sell-outs

Obviously, S. did not go on a mad hunt for sperm. It's nice to daydream about, but it's just something we would never, ever do. To add to the annoyance of this cycle, our r.e.'s office called Tuesday to inform us that, less than a week before our appointment, we couldn't see this doctor because she wasn't taking any new patients. Apparently, the dumbass who made our appointment was unaware of this. Now we're pushed back to 11/10, which likely means another cycle at home. We're not really happy about this at all, but we just want to get it out of the way. We know that we'll pretty much never see our doctor again after this one appointment, and just be working with the techs and nurses when we go in for ultrasounds and IUIs. It's just the reality of going to a big infertility clinic, and at this point I think we're both willing to accept this. It will be hard for us, since we were so used to seeing Dr. K. every single time we went into the clinic in NYC, and HE was the one who inseminated us--but we're willing to throw that close relationship away and sell it out for some answers and some stirrups.
--cd

Can I buy you a drink?

I got a peak reading and all my signs are lined up - if I had sex TODAY I would get pregnant. I am going on a mad hunt for sperm.

Anyone have some extra sperm?

Yup! She's right...totalled. We need the "real stuff" to do this. Fresh sperm, aka "man-goo" has so many advatages - it lives longer, swims better and doesn't cost an arm and a leg. It's too much money and too much stress to play this guessing game any longer. From now on, Dr. monitored cycles or we need to ask someone for the swimmers! That's a hard decision..but it sure would make things easier. We suck at this. We question everything and keep making bad decisions. Boo!

Totalled Sperm

When the insurance company says your car is "totalled," it stands for "total loss"--as in, there is absolutely nothing salvagable about your car. We just totalled $500 worth of sperm. It went crashing into S.'s not-so-open (apparently) cervix and was destroyed. Now S.'s cycle is basically unsalvagable.

At least, that's how I'm feeling right now. I know I was kind of lighthearted about it before, but this morning the fertility monitor got a peak reading--meaning, S. is about 24-48 hrs. away from her LH surge. Obviously, the swimmers we injected Thursday night are long-gone and have zero chance for survival until S. ovulates.

I just feel so pissed off! I knew this would happen-it's really just our luck. Why couldn't S.'s body have held off getting her peak reading until tomorrow--at least then, we could have ordered sperm and had them on our doorstep by Tuesday with enough time to insem. ::sigh:: I have some cervix investigating to do, because I swear there was more fertile mucus last Thurs. than there is now. WTF? I'm so confused by S.'s cycles, as is S., that I just can't wait to get back to the dr.'s office, where they can monitor the little egg follicle so we know when that baby's about to drop. I feel kind of like a failure for feeling that way--and not being positive about doing it at home---but for us specifically, this is just a better way. More power to those couples who attempt and succeed at home-I have the utmost respect for you, especially now that we've tried (and failed) twice!

Timing is everything...

...and our timing really sucks. For the second month in a row, I think we missed S.'s peak fertility period. Last month, we blamed it on the monitor, because it broke and we kind of slacked on the other parts of fertility monitoring. This month, there really isn't much of an excuse, other than S. can never seem to get a peak reading, and now she feels like her cervical mucus is "shrivelling up." Great. And here we are with a tank of sperm in our hallway. ::sigh:: We're hoping against hope that even if she ovulated, the egg is still descending. Otherwise, as S. so eloquently put it today, "it's like rolling up a $500 bill and sticking it up your tw*t." So classy, that one.

Timber!

Wow! I actually followed through with something and downloaded our tree pictures. Exciting, right? So, here you go...

S., looking anxiously on with baby Zachary (our buddy Larry's baby-he was there to help our tree dude chip all that brush!)

Here's our tree dude with the ill-fated fir. (See him in the orange?)

Bye-bye big tree! May you have a happy life as firewood and mulch. ::sigh::

Buh-bye trees!

We had an interesting and long day today. Weird Tree Man, along with our buddy Larry and their assistant, Creepy Old Vet Dude With the Hydraulic Dump on His Truck (I'll just call him "Creepy Dude") came to take down not 1, not 2, but 3 trees total from our backyard. They actually ended up taking down 4 including a dead one on our neighbor's lawn. Our neighbor recently lost his wife and has been so depressed he hasn't managed to get out to mow or do anything in regards to keeping up his lawn. So, between me, S., and our neighbor Ted, we do things around the yard to keep it up.

Anyway, back to the trees. It was sort of traumatizing watching this huge, beautiful, 50-year-old (at least) fir tree come down. First, it was traumatizing because S. was holding Larry's baby and felt like the tree was going to crash down on both of them. Kind of scary. Needless to say, she went inside with the baby. Next, it was just sad to say, "Well, tree, you're perfectly healthy, but you're just in the way, so buh-bye! Have a nice life as firewood!" S. and I are relatively environmentally-conscious people. We recycle, S. drives a responsible vehicle, and we don't waste water, oil, or electricity. So this seemed really out there for us, to take down a tree for the sake of our yard's vanity. Was it wrong, or was it all in the name of making our house a happy home? Well, the results really do speak for themselves--the yard looks, like, really good (if I'm ever in the mood, I'll post pictures, but I'm notoriously lazy when it comes to downloading stuff of the digi cam).

And..you know what? We're just sad people lately, to be honest. We really want a kid!! Seriously, man--it's like, let's just get pregnant already! And we miss our life in NYC, and our friends, and the places where we hung out. We're homesick for a home that was never really ours, and babysick for a baby we don't have yet. What is wrong with us?!
--cd

I might even smoke!

Well, she's here again. F*cker. It's not that I didn't know she was coming. In fact, I knew I didn't ovulate because my temps were all fucked up. Still sucks...
I'm excited though for our next cycle with my new vitamins and working fertility monitor. It's like turning over a new leaf. Plus, I'm going to ask my doctor for a referral to an RE tomorrw. So, that's like a light at the end of the tunnel - well, I hope so at least.
On the bright side - I'm getting LOADED this weekend!

Baby not on our mind

We had a big weekend--we got the heat plumbed through the rest of the house. (Well, not us--the plumber and S.'s dad did it.) Man, they worked their little fannies off, but they got it all done in a day and a half. Good work, men!

As for us, we had a little tag sale on Saturday. We made about $75, and we only sold crap! The people around here really weren't into paying $50 for a set of end tables or a nice set of dishes. Instead, they went for the 25 cent books, some baskets, journals, and like I said--other crap. Works out for us, though! We get to have dinner out next weekend from the profit.

On the baby front, S. still hasn't gotten AF, but we're pretty sure she's not pregnant. I mean--no sore nips, no weird twangs in the belly, and she sure hasn't been acting pregnant--she's been drinking some beer and wine--definitley not your typical tww behavior. We're also about 99.99999% sure she never ovulated. So, yeah, it probably didn't work. However, she has her dr.s appt. on Wednesday, so she can finally get that referral to an R.E. So hopefully, we'll be doing our insems in stirrups, just like she prefers!

Oh, and that mouse--caught him on Saturday, too--those clap traps are really way more humane than the glue traps, because the little guy is killed instantaneously. On the glues they starve to death, which is way more cruel and could take days and days. Gross either way, but I put him in our compost pile to he can rejoin the earth with the other decomposing things out there. It was my way of saying good-bye and thanks for not pooping on the kitchen floor anymore!