reflecting

The emotional toll is the hardest. I had convinced myself we were headed for a positive result. My body and my mind were convinced. It's crushing. My first reaction was...I can't go through this again. In the moment, it seems impossible. So, for a few days I just couldn't talk about it. I had to gain perspective. C. called the Dr., she told our friends...and slowly I came to grips. I think I'm most scared because this is probably our last time with the beloved Dr. K. We're moving...insurance is changing...time is out. We're starting a new chapter that I'm looking forward to but it also makes for a stressful month. Luckily, I am out of school for real and can head off any potential stress by starting packing today.

I also feel a bit of guilt. I used stain and floor sealer last weekend right during the time of implantation. I wasn't thinking. Here I have quit smoking, quit caffeine, quit aspartame and didn't think about the materials I was using. I think that might have had something to do with it. No home improvement chems for me this month.

I guess I'll never find out "the reason" - but can do my best to make a happy healthy stress-free environment. C. is NOT allowed to be snippy with me - AT ALL. EVER. good rule.