We started poking around on Cry@bank again for a donor. It feels...like starting over. It is in many ways. I have to get all new paperwork signed and sent in, I have to go to the ob or midwife to have them sign off, and then, of course, we have to actually pick a donor. Much to our chagrin there are hardly any Polish, blue-eyed donors out there. Who knew? They're everywhere in this part of MA and CT, so we figured it wouldn't be that hard and they must be everywhere. Though S. is only a quarter Polish, our donor was half, so Theo turned out to be quite the little squishy boy, S.'s grandfather's younger self perhaps---blonde, blue-eyed, chubby-cheeked, angelically devilish looking (though our donor looked nothing like this!).

Where do we go from here? I don't like this process, I will not lie. It makes me feel vaguely like I'm cheating or doing something wrong. I know that the feeling will pass, we will make a choice that makes us feel at peace, and everything will work out. It's just kind of harder than I thought it would be.