Insane Decade

I've been thinking back a lot on the past 10 years. I went from a 20-year-old college student to a 30-year-old mother with a wife, house, and steady job. For ha-has, here's a list of random assorted facts, figures and events from the past 10 years.

In the last 10 years, I went from: age 20 to age 30.

I lived in: 2 dormitories, 5 apartments, and 1 house in 2 different countries and 2 different states with a total of 13 different roommates

For school, I: graduated college and then, 3 years or so later, from grad school

Had: 3 different jobs and 2 different careers

Dated: really only a handful of people, one of whom I'm married to now

Gained: 10-15 pounds

Saw: the Twin Towers in flames down the street, the first Black president, the birth of my son, the legalization of gay marriage in many places, and myself commit to someone forever

There's a whole lot more that happened, obviously, but those are some of the major events of my whirlwind decade. Most of those things happened within the first 5 years of the last decade, with the past 4 years being incredibly steady and the same (except for that whole wife giving birth thing). What a strange transformation 20 to 30 is! I'm mostly happy to be putting the tumult of my early 20's behind me for good and looking forward to what 30 plus has in store.

May your New Year's Eves be special and meaningful--even if it's just you hanging around the house with those you love most. That's what I'll be doing tonight-thankfully and blessedly ringing in the next 10 years of insanity.

Happiest of Days

So...WE MADE IT! It is Christmas Day. Our Christmas Eve preparations done, the dinner made and consumed, and now we get to actually relax with family. I can't explain to you how many times we felt like we were going to drop out of sheer exhaustion for the last week or so. Christmas Day is always easiest for us--we get to relax at S.'s parent's house and eat delicious food that I don't have to cook! This year we are joined by her brother, sis-in-law, and cousin Jackson who is 6 months younger than Theo. They were certainly spoiled this year by everyone!

And just to add to the excitement of a pile of presents...Theo's Auntie A. surprised us with a GIANT Elmo balloon. This is the very picture of sheer joy, excitement, and wonder.

Merry Christmas to all!

Theo's fever seems to be winding way, way down. Thank goodness. Cold symptoms, however, seem to be setting in. Not so thankful for that.

For now, winter shots. I cannot believe the holidays will start colliding and exploding in nearly a week. May merriness abound (you know, after the floor is washed, house is cleaned, laundry is folded, meal is planned and baby is well).


Winterberry


Hey..let me out there, Mama!


Homemade wreath


Homemade baby

Sicks Kiddos and Holiday Hell

I'm reading a lot of posts lately about sick bebes, and just to throw one more into the mix, Theo has some kind of massive bug going on. Saturday night, during a birthday party, the kid would.not.eat. For those of you who know Theo, this a sign that something is seriously wrong. He felt really hot so we took his temp and it was 103.something. Whoa. Now the house was crowded, and he and his buddy N., who is 4 months older, had been running around the house chasing each other all day long in joyful, screaming glee, but still. We T.ylenoled him up but a few hours later, he was still blazing hot.

Yesterday his temp actually got up to 104.3. Yikes.

Our ped. says it is probably the oink.oink.flu. Or, since the seasonal flu is just about peaking around these parts, that. He's on Tama.flu and lots of T.ylenol and M.otrin which is working to lower his fever to the 99-102 range. Definitely less scary than 104. Fortunately he's eating and drinking okay now and (knock on lots of wood right now) sleeping through the night. With a family holiday party this weekend and last-minute shopping and holiday meal preparation, we are hoping this virus passes quickly so we can drag him through what will be a crazy next week and a half or so.

*Frustration*

I've been brewing up this post since the weekend, but got distracted/overwhelmed/annoyed to tears by Sears. Yes, Sears - google it, see if I care. Sears has been so disappointing. We ordered a fancy-pants washer/dryer - they sent it vented incorrectly and were unwilling to cooperate by scheduling a convenient time for the second delivery. So, diapers dirty since Sat., 1 hour 20 minutes on the phone, and it better get delivered tonight or it's all going back. Never again, Sears.

Anyway.

Speaking of annoying... baby showers! Why do we women do this to ourselves and pretend to like it. All showers. No, yours was not any better. I love the camaraderie of women, I really do. I enjoy a nice meal. I get that we all need the "stuff". I love your baby. I love you. What I hate is the sitting, the chit-chat, the reading of the cards and special notes, the games, watching someone open gifts, and ooh-and-ahhing for 4 hours on a weekend, when all I want to do is be home, getting things done and spending time with Theo.
I have a great solution! Happy-hour shower! It's a block of time, you come in, chat, leave your gift, have a conversation with the mommy-to-be, she can even open your present if that's your fancy. Food? Yes. Drinks? Yes. Presents? Yes. And you stay or leave whenever you like. Good, right? We need to band together women of the world and revolt!!!

Update: Sears brought us the dryer but gave us the wrong cord and just left. Ahhhhhh.

Lights! Smiles! Action!

I'm kind of going into post-withdrawal, so here I am, posting...something.

How is your holiday shopping going? Well, we did something we thought we'd never, ever do--put lights on our front porch! Icicle hanging lights! Ahhhhh! There is a reason, however. We usually put those candles in the window, but with a little baby-toddler running amok around here, and one who is obsessed with lights at that, we were pretty sure they would all be smashed on the floor in a matter of minutes. But we wanted something sparkly and bright on the house. So---we bit the bullet and put the lights up tonight. To my surprise...they actually look really GOOD! We also have a homemade wreath (a Thanksgiving tradition at S.'s mom's house - before dinner wreath making with handpicked greens) with white lights hanging on the porch. We're in all sorts of Christmas spirit around here. Did I mention we also have our tree up? A fakey again this year, a smallish tabletop one. Again, the baby-toddler.

We'll leave you with some picks of our surly boy. You cannot get that kid to crack a smile when you try, but when he's ready to be happy, he's happy.

At the start of photo session--not so happy!
(This is what we'd call a "typical" Theo look--the kid sure can pout)

Warming up! (this ended up being our best shot!)


Finally, a genuine giggle and Theo accepts his fate.

Parting Thoughts

We made it!

Things I liked the most about daily blogging:

• getting to read comments from people whose blogs I've never read before and now have hooked up to my G@ogle reader. it makes me feel much more "in the loop." I feel like once we got pregnant, there was a whole "class" of us, so to speak, who graduated and I lost track of the undergrads, so it's good to be reading new journeys again!

• having a place to vent

• feeling mildly accomplished

Things I disliked:

• the pressure of having to blog every day. Some days we barely came in under the wire! Ahh!

• not having anything to say some days, which just highlighted our rather boring lives

• whoever was the last one awake ended up doing the daily post, although most of the time we would watch over each others' shoulders

And there you have it! It's not quite the finale, since we're obviously keeping our blog and it's not like you'll never hear from us again, but I do feel a bit of parting sadness as the big sharing is kind of done for now. For those of you who followed along, we thank you. It's nice to know someone with a pulse is reading out there. Thank you for your comments on issues from the technical to the emotional to the mundane. And, for those of you who also participated, thank you! It was nice to have buddies also dragging their asses to their computers every evening to say whatever is on their minds (even if it's nothing).

See you in December - albeit a bit less frequently!

NaBloPoMo Nearing Its End

This is our second-to-last post for NaBloPoMo. How did we do? I felt like daily blogging was both a chore and a pleasure. There were many nights when we'd sit there and really struggle to come up with something, anything, to write, and others where it felt easy and refreshing to vent, share, whatever. I'm wondering what our blogging habits will be like now--whether we'll be more diligent about writing, or slip back into our 'we're way too busy for this' mode and let it slide.

And can I share with you one of the big reasons we kept on blogging this month? If we stopped, we wouldn't be eligible for any of the prizes! I know the prizes are stupid, but it's fun to enter contests, and in the past year or two we've had pretty good luck winning stuff thanks to generous bloggers and Prizey (which, if you have the time and organization to keep up with, we highly recommend doing!! We won our extremely expensive organic crib mattress that way!)

I will think I'll miss having to think about what to post every night. So who knows--maybe you'll keep hearing from us after all is said and done.

Season of Light

The holidays are in full swing around here these days. Thanksgiving is definitely the kick-start to our festivities. We've already achieved some measure of Christmas shopping success and begun the whirlwind family visits. I am usually quite a Grinch, but am actually looking forward to this year since Theo is just so incredibly different now than last year at this time (duh!). I think he's just going to love the holidays--the food, the company, the toys, the kids---and the lights! We think Theo's first word is light ("aight!"), so the lights on all the Christmas trees and store displays are pretty much putting him over the top. Below, Theo's weekend highlights: Thanksgiving dinner, admiring the color wheel on his grandparents' awesome vintage tinsel tree (I'm pretty sure he's thinking "OMG--lights AND motion? A.W.E.S.O.M.E.!, tub time with bubbles, and being amazed at how many "AIGHTS!" are on this thing! WOW!

Yes--the holiday magic has begun.

And, umm...I tried to post pictures of all these amazing highlights of Theo's weekend, but damn slow blogger won't upload my damn pictures and there are only 5 minutes left to get my daily post in. ARRRGGG!!! I'll try again tomorrow!

Update: Pics are here!

Day two of Thanksgiving! C.'s sister made us a delicious T-day dinner tonight. I love two days of gorging on the most delicious food.

Went Black Friday shopping (not until 8am) and picked up a new washer/dryer. S@msung. Got great reviews, any experiences? Went in for the steam version, which were sold out by 5:30am. Ended up with the non-steam version but are just as happy. Hope they get the stink out of those cloth diapers. Because, yes, they stink. All. the. time.

Tired, full. And still feeling very thankful for it all.

We're stuffed!

The end of another holiday where we were privileged enough to have way too much food, way too much fun, and way too many family members around to hang out with. The kids (4 under the age of 6) were crazy and they totally trashed the living room, but we could have cared less. All in all, the end to another satisfying day.

Pics tomorrow. I forgot my camera cord at home. Oops.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

Theo Sure Gets Pushed Around!

Theo had his 15-month appointment today (even though he just turned 16-months) and here are his stats! Our pedi always refers to him as an Adonis. Our boy? *blush*

Height: 32 1/2 inches (80th percentile)
Weight: 27.6 lbs. (80th percentile)

Don't remember head, but it was in the 75th. So, he's totally proportionate!

And such a chubby love. Oh, I love his chubbiness. Witness the bare legs below. Here is his non-bio cousin/girlfriend F. showing off how strong she is by pushing my lubba around - literally!

We started poking around on Cry@bank again for a donor. It feels...like starting over. It is in many ways. I have to get all new paperwork signed and sent in, I have to go to the ob or midwife to have them sign off, and then, of course, we have to actually pick a donor. Much to our chagrin there are hardly any Polish, blue-eyed donors out there. Who knew? They're everywhere in this part of MA and CT, so we figured it wouldn't be that hard and they must be everywhere. Though S. is only a quarter Polish, our donor was half, so Theo turned out to be quite the little squishy boy, S.'s grandfather's younger self perhaps---blonde, blue-eyed, chubby-cheeked, angelically devilish looking (though our donor looked nothing like this!).

Where do we go from here? I don't like this process, I will not lie. It makes me feel vaguely like I'm cheating or doing something wrong. I know that the feeling will pass, we will make a choice that makes us feel at peace, and everything will work out. It's just kind of harder than I thought it would be.

Double Meme

A NaBloPoMo Meme from both of us!!!!

1. What is the color of your toothbrush?
S: Clear
C: Pink and Clear
2. Name one person who made you smile today.
Both: Theo
3. What were you doing at 8 am this morning?
S: Lounging in bed
C: Making French toast
4. What were you doing 45 minutes ago?
S: Comparison shopping washer and dryers
C: Reading a David Sed@ris essay
5. What is your favorite candy bar?
S: Reeses Peanut Butter Cup
C: Heath Bar
6. Have you ever been to a strip club?
Both: nope
7. What is the last thing you said aloud?
S: Sit down and write this with me
C: Are you ready for bed yet?
8. What is your favorite ice cream?
S: Usually Peanut butter, but I'm into Peppermint these days
C: Vanilla Heath Bar crunch
9. What was the last thing you had to drink?
Both: Pomegranate juice mixed with seltzer
10. Do you like your wallet?
S: Yes. It's perfect.
C: Yes. It's red.
11. What was the last thing you ate?
S: Peppermint ice cream
C: Egg salad
12. Have you bought any new clothing items this week?
S: A great deal at Old N@vy today. An off-white sweater.
C: New stretch pants, same deal!
13. The last sporting event you watched?
S: The Orioles/Red Sox game I went to in June.
C: Part of the World Series
14. What is your favorite flavor of popcorn?
S: Normal style, with nutritional yeast.
C: Mixed with M&M's
15. Who is the last person you sent a text message to?
Both: Each other - we are not texters!
16. Ever go camping?
S: In girl scouts
C: Never, nor do I have a desire to.
17. Do you take vitamins daily?
S: Not these days, but I should.
C: Yes.
18. Do you go to church every Sunday?
Both: No, never.
19. Do you have a tan?
Both: Not in New England in November, no way.
20. Do you prefer Chinese food over pizza?
S: No C: No
21. Do you drink your soda with a straw? Both: No
22. What did your last text message say?
S: In meeting don't have to pick up Theo would be cool if u did
C: I'm coming to get Theo
23. What are you doing tomorrow?
S: working, dinner with my cousin and her kids
C: ditto
24. Favorite color?
S: Mine changes all the time. That's what I tell my first graders!
C: Doesn't have one. But it used to be pink.
25. Look to your left; what do you see?
S: Radio Flyer Bouncy Rocking horse
C: S.
26. What color is your watch?
Both: Believe it or not, neither of us wear a watch.
27. What do you think of when you hear “Australia”?
S: Wildlife
C: Hugh Jackman
28. Would you strip for money?
S: No C: No
29. Do you go in a fast food place or just hit the drive thru?
S: We only ever eat it in the mall.
C: Drive thru coffee
30. What is your favorite number?
S: 8 C: 3
31. Who’s the last person you talked to on the phone?
S: My mother
C: My mother
32. Any plans today? Both: It's time to go to bed!!
33. In how many states have you lived? Both: 2, MA and NY
34. Biggest annoyance right now?
S: Trying to figure out what washer/dryer to buy
C: This meme
35. Last song listened to?
S: Nellie McKay
C: I don't remember
36. Can you say the alphabet backwards? S: Yes C:No
37. Do you have a maid service clean your house? Both: We wish.
38. Favorite pair of shoes you wear all the time?
S: Black Merrells
C: Leopard print flats
39. Are you jealous of anyone?
S: Sure
C: yeah
40. Is anyone jealous of you?
S: Probably not
C: Doesn't seem likely
41. Do you love anyone?
Both: Of course!
42. Do any of your friends have children?
Both: Some of them
43. What do you usually do during the day?
Both: Teach
44. Do you hate anyone that you know right now?
S: My grandmother always told me you could only hate one person in your entire life. So, no.
C: No
45. Do you use the word hello daily?
Both: Yes
46. What color is your car?
S: Silver C: Green
47. What size wedding ring do you wear?
Both: No idea.
48. Are you thinking about someone right now?
S: Maybe Theo if he cries again. Damn molars.
C: Trying to concentrate
49. Have you ever been to Six Flags?
S: Yes C: No, even though we have one 20 minutes away!
50. How did you get your worst scar?
S: Fell on a playground when I was little.
C: Surgery to remove lump from boob.

There's nothing like being around my cousin to make me think about parenting styles. Let me preface by saying we are over what happened at Easter. We've lost our grandmother since, our mothers are super-close, it's important to let bygones be bygones. I do love her. But.

It. is. so. damn. frustrating. to. be. around. her. I just don't get when people don't think about their parenting. The consequences, the modeling, the morals to instill, the praise and encouragement to bestow. I am not saying I am perfect, nor am I saying that my way is better than your way, though I guess when it comes right down to it, I am judging - I can't help it. She commented on how she can't understand how her daughter doesn't understand not to play with the toothpaste, even though she has been spanked 10 times for it. Um, hello, spanking is not then working. Try something new. MOVE the toothpaste. She's questioning vaccines, as her oldest was diagnosed autistic, as she takes a huge drag of her cigarette. Time after time, thing after thing.

I guess it's because I surround myself with people who do make good conscious decisions, and think about the impact of their actions. I just am having a hard time wrapping my head around the fact that not everyone does. Educate yourselves, mothers! Read about vaccines, and food ingredients, and discipline models, and child development, and parenting styles, and plastics, and "screen time", and developmentally appropriate toys. The information is all out there. It's not hard to find. Educate yourself and make the best decision for your family.

I'm feeling a little "high and mighty" as I reread the post. Questioned deleting it, but I'm gonna put it out there even though it's all still a-ramblin' around in my head and not yet quite making sense.

Time Flies

Well, the crazy week has come to a close, thank gaawwwwwd. We are pooped. Our house is a wreck. There have been diapers in my washing machine since Wednesday (they're clean, though, I swear) and dishes still piled in the sink (but I did run the dishwasher tonight!). We were invited to S.'s parents house to help clean up for Thanksgiving, but instead got sucked into watching the longest move I've seen since one of the "Lord of the Rings" flicks--"The Curious Case of Benjamin Button." It was a beautiful movie, but jeesh, 2 hours and 46 minutes? We paused at least 3 times for various break activities (bathrooms, snacks, etc.). Not exactly how I pictured winding down today, but besides my sloppy house, I finally feel some sense of relief. Next week will be easy, only 2 1/2 days for me, 2 for S., then happy holidays with family.

We love Thanksgiving---it's not religiously affiliated, there are no gifts involved, there is food and cooking involved, and it sends a good message. What's not to like?

Plus, as S. pointed out, one gets to start listening to Christmas music and/or watching Christmas flicks. I kind of disagree with her on this, but we have for the past few years done the "let's get up at 4 in the morning and go shopping!" thing. I am proud to say each year we come home a little earlier. I think last year we were in by 7:30 a.m.! Woot! This year will be slightly abbreviated, what with Theo on a more regular sleep schedule. For the life of us, we can't remember what we did with Theo last year when we did our crazy morning dash--was he sleeping in the carrier? Probably. He didn't have quite as precarious a sleep schedule at that time I guess. Or...did we go AT ALL?! Sadly, we cannot remember. The past year has been a bit of a blur. If not for hundreds upon hundreds (must be close to a thousand at least) of pictures and this blog, the year might have been lost!

Well, I started cycling again and made an appointment with my RE to talk about what comes next. Unfortuately, I can't just show up with a canister of swimmers and hope a nurse will take me--I have to actually have an official "change of treatment" and then act accordingly. so--we'll see. I am also going to call our midwives' office to see if I could possibly do it with them instead. It's a little trickier with them, since they have no storage and no imaging facilities (so no follicular monitoring). The plus side is that they can pretty much meet you any time to do the deed, whereas at our clinic, the schedule is a little more strict.

Fortunately, my RE appt. isn't until January, so we have some time to ponder. Then there's obviously the costs...will insurance cover our insems? Will they charge us for a mere office visit, or for god knows what else? Meh. I hate that money somehow ends up playing into ttc decisions.

I'm pooped, by the way. Conferences, as S. mentioned previously. And Theo. Oh! Poor Theo! I weep for his tender gums.

--cd

I just cannot adequately express the craziness of this day, and the fogginess in which I lived it.
Run down: Dress/feed/ready Theo, drop off Theo early, faculty meeting, school day!, grad class, dinner at parents house, and now I need to grade my student teacher. Fit in some important phone calls to my health insurance company and hairdresser. The evening was sans C. who is still at conference night. Tomorrow is an observation of and meeting with said student teacher and math training in the afternoon. And guess who didn't sleep well? Up from 1-2am last night. When will those molars make their appearance?

We tried to put him in our bed when he was crying and inconsolable, and it was the cutest, most hysterical thing, even at 1am. Even though he was half-asleep, he kept looking at us, and putting his head on our pillows and then sitting up and looking around. It was like he didn't know what to do! Co-sleeping just doesn't work for him. We had to put him back, because he just wouldn't settle in.

Oh yeah and I have a sore throat. Talk about a b1tch-fest this week!

School Days and Nights

S. just informed me that a picture post "doesn't count" as a post. I thought it was a clever way to get out of saying anything remotely intelligent myself.

We had a family picture taken today at S.'s school. One of the parents is a professional photographer and every year, does a fundraiser for the school's PTO. For $20, we got multiple shots of us with Theo and Theo alone. All the images are put onto a disk for us to do what we please with. I think this is probably our first "official" family portrait! Hopefully some shots turned out decent. Photographing Theo in a formal situation is, um..."challenging." It was an especially cranky afternoon for T., as there were other kids there with giant toy cars and ooooh boy, did Theo's face just light up when he saw them, and then oooooh boy, did he throw a fit when he couldn't have them.....somehow we made it through with at least a handful of good pics, we hope!

We both feel like this is hell week--we have something going on every single day after school. I have conferences until 9 at night tomorrow and Thurs. I'm sorry, but as a high school teacher, I feel resentful that I have three half-days and two 3-hour evenings of conferences. I'm pretty sure we're the only high school left on the planet who does this intense a conference schedule. I would much rather be home with my loves and wearing my ugly, old red sweatpants that S. finds offensive. (Like I care---they are oh-so very fuzzy and comfy!)

S. has just decided I would have been better off posting a picture. HA! That's what you get when you don't let me have my way!

I think this is the funniest thing ever. Both my father and my mother call, independently of one another, to ask about how gymnastics was for Theo today. Why do they even remember that he had it today? MY parents, who are kinda anti-baby in a weird way. I always worried that they wouldn't really "like" my kid. I know they "love" him, but they are kind of hands-off when it comes to people and feelings. And here they are worried that he's getting in trouble at gymnastics class. hahaha.

And no, he was not good. He likes it, and the teachers are okay with it, but he doesn't really do what they tell him to. He wants to sit in the damn ball pit. He wants to run around like a maniac, he doesn't want to jump over the foam, he walks around it instead. Oh well, I just want him to be around other kids and do things we don't do at home. And maybe he'll learn to sit at circle time later.

My mothers last comment to me was "...but they don't scold him, right?" Now, that's love.

-sp (Remember I said, we would start signing our posts??)

Oh man, I almost went to bed without blogging! That would have been a tragedy seeing as we've now hit the half-way mark of NaBloPoMo . I'd hate to be the one to screw it all up now!

Today we did mundane home things, such as laundry, cleaning, making more to-do lists, and traveling to a flooring store to try and pick out new flooring for our kitchen. Our kitchen floor is..well..it sucks. It's industrial tiles, which means they need special cleaner. It is a multi-hour process to really clean our floor, and just mopping it never makes it look quite the same, so we're ready to call our floor quits. We're thinking cork, but it's kind of expensive. Our kitchen is really, really small, but it would still cost nearly $800 to cover it with the cork we've found. Yikes!

Should we go old-school and do linoleum? It's green (as in environmentally friendly) and comes in cool colors! No bamboo for sure, though--too soft, scratches too easily. The way Theo throws crap out of our cabinets, we need something very durable. Oh yeah, and easy to clean. And hides dirty and splishy-splashy kitchen messy stains.

What's on YOUR kitchen floor??

Theo knew his mamas were having a hard time with the quantity and quality of this here blog. So, he took matters into his own hands.

Today we spent the day at the local Children's Museum. Mama had an quiz team tournament (dork!) and my parents were out of town, so Theo and I were all on our own. Usually I hate all alone days, but we had a great day! He slept in until 8:30, ate breakfast, went to the museum and ran wild with our babysitter and her children. He didn't necessarily "get" all the exhibits but there were plenty of things to play with. He LOVED this laptop and the train table. We came home and ate lunch, and he took a three hour nap! And he didn't even poop until Mama got home. What did I do to deserve such a good baby?

An *Important* Choice

Dorothy or Annie?

If you read, you must vote.

Random Reader Responses

Oooh, fun questions...thank you thank you thank YOU, readers, for saving our asses from complete obsolescence this evening.

I would like to address a couple of fun reader comments. This one is my favorite:

Did you put pictures of celebrities on your walls when you were younger?

YES! This so embarrassing, but I had my wall plastered with teen boy stars like Edward Furlong, Jonathan Brandis, and some others that have fallen into obscurity. (I think Jonathan Brandis committed suicide a few years ago. Furlong shows up in reruns of Terminator 2:Judgement Day.) That sort of progressed into my music-obsessed teenaged self, so those pictures were soon replaced by my fav high school bands--radiohead, smashing pumpkins, tori amos, nine inch nails, nirvana...did you ever have those HUGE, GINORMOUS posters? I had like, 4 of those on my wall--two smashing pumpkins, one tori amos, and one beatles. I would say my musical tastes have expanded greatly, but I still turn to that music when I'm feeling blue and need a little jolt.

Thoughts on Western Mass (for Mutti):

I love it here and if I had to leave NYC for anywhere, it was going to be for somewhere we love. There is everything..arts, culture, restaurants, the great outdoors, a generally liberal population, kid-friendly places--plus real estate here is way cheaper than in Eastern Mass, and there is no crazy city-traffic like in the Boston suburbs (where I grew up).

h-e-l-p

OMG, our lives are boring! Besides work, home and Theo - nothing. I've got nothin'. No vacations coming, no exciting news, no ttc, no gardening or yardworking, no big work problems, no family crap, no events, nothin'! Blogging everyday sucks. Boring and uninteresting - that's me. I generally like boring - I've got no problem with living a stress-free, drama-free, quiet little life.

Throw us a line. Any questions? Anything you're dying to know about? Here's your chance to question our parenting, find out about our homelife, and get nosey. please. I've never asked for commenters to delurk or participate, so here it is. Desperation.

Okay, I've just started and then deleted 2 blog entries. My brain is non-functional. The day off, which I have to say I was feeling like I badly needed, seems to have drained me.

Seriously. I just wrote another sentence then deleted it.

I'm watching Brothers and Sisters on TiVo. Hey, we're a Nielson Family now! Yes, we somehow determine what does and does not get ratings. In fact, we had to do a "tv diary" last week, and it had exactly 5 entries in it for the week. S. wouldn't let me stop on anything she deemed "embarrassing" for more than 5 minutes because she didn't want the Nielson people to know we watching anything, you know...embarrassing.

I will also mention that this particular episode of "Brothers and Sisters" we are watching is from last January. We have entire seasons of shows in waiting. So, no spoilers please.

First and foremost, what the heck happened to my sleeper? He's waking at night, waking at earlier times in the morning, and NO NAP today. Think it could be the teeth? What's going on in there? Growth spurt? Learning explosions? No LIKEY. Help? Experiences?

Glad to be back from my "business trip"/ teacher conference. Besides learning enough about common assessments and best practice to make my head explode, we ate great food, drank plenty of wine and enjoyed our two days away from our classrooms. I'm full of teacher jargon and feel re-energized about some First Grade things.

Mostly, I couldn't wait to get home and squeeze my little guy. I have to say though - he wasn't much fazed by the comings and goings of his mommy. He didn't plan a very exciting welcome home extravaganza. I hope it's just developmental or even personality, and not a lack of attachment. It's hard to tell if he prefers me over other people. It's kind of frustrating after you push a human out of you to wonder whether he even registers you as special! Sad, but true.

Monday Musings

I have to say, I am finding these daily blog posts quite liberating after a day of dealing with surly teenagers and solo-parenting. S. is on a "business trip," as she likes to call it, but since we're educators, I reminded her that she is actually at a "conference" out in Boston with some of her favorite co-workers. Lucky her getting to spend the night in a nice hotel with a balcony and then go to an awesome dinner. Theo and I didn't make out too bad, though, I have to say. I think I did pretty good my first single mom night. Let me tell you, though, I am not cut out for 1.) stay at home momming or 2.) single parenting. Nuh-uh, no way. Maybe if I had always been a single parent it wouldn't be so shocking, but seriously, taking care of that kid solo is a huge job. Every time I am alone for a long time with Theo, I feel blessed to have S. as my parenting partner, and wowed and amazed at the job single mothers do everyday of their lives. I don't know that I would have the fortitude to do the job. But, as a mother, I get that you do what you have to for the sake of your children.

Okay, on to the next topic...I happened to catch the House of Representatives on CSPAN just as they passed the Health Care Bill on Saturday night. I am consistently amazed at the atmosphere of these voting sessions. Seriously, it looks like they're having a freaking cocktail party. Hugging, shaking hands, chatting. Hello people! Don't you know our freaking futures are at risk here?? Anyway, S. berated me for not waking her up to see the historic moment. It really wasn't all that spectacular, let me tell you. She also accused me of making her miss multiple televised historic moments, as I also failed to wake her when Obama won last Nov. and he made his moving speech in Chicago. Sorry baby; next time a piece of landmark legislation passes and/or racial barriers are broken, I'll attempt to stir you!

Geocaching!

We got a chance to partake in one of our favorite family hobbies today, as it was beautiful late fall day in western MA today! And no, it's not raking leaves, which is what we did in the morning during his blessed 2 1/2 hour nap. In the afternoon we went ge0caching! Never heard of it? Check it out! It's so much fun. It forces you outside to explore your own community, and leads you to things you've never seen and loads of junk toys/treasures. Plus it's a fun challenge. And all you need is a handheld gps (relatively inexpensive -$100 or so) and a set of coordinates with clues. We went with Theo in the Erg0, with my parents in tow - two towns away to a place where a man is entombed in a HUGE boulder in the middle of the woods. It was the craziest cache ever. We were two for two today bringing our total to 26 finds.

Here is a picture of Theo finding his first cache back in the spring!

Home again--it was great to come home to little T., who I'm pretty sure had the greatest time ever at his grandparents' house. He pretty much had no interest in us when we came back, but was quite delighted to return home to his room full of toys, and I think his special bedtime blankets and stuffed animals.

My spa day was delightful. If I were a woman of means, I am pretty sure I'd have weekly facials. If you are, or get them more often than once every 3 years, consider yourself lucky! It was swell. Happy Birthday to me! Thanks, baby! Greatest birthday weekend ever!

Dear 7 readers,
This is how dedicated we are to you. Instead of heading to the romantic wine bar after the C@tie Curtis show, we are at a cafe because it has free wireless where we can drink tea and head to bed. Yes, dedicated. Not, however, dedicated enough to pay the $10 for wireless at our swanky hotel. And, no, it's not because we're old fuddy-duddies who are really looking forward to the first night sans-Theo because of the uninterrupted quality of sleep we will get. That's just a perk.
Love, S and C

p.s. I hope Theo is not terrorizing his meme.

This n' That

The pressure is already getting to me and it's only Day 5 of NaBloPoMo! Ahhhh!

Still we soldier on. I've just been challenged by S. to write another "deep" post. I really don't have deep in me. My deepness got all filled in today with irascible teenagers, swim class, and a high-maintenance baby-toddler who likes to destroy my kitchen while I'm in the middle of cooking dinner.

I guess I'll have to steal from S., who kindly called our Cryobank today to see what the deal with with our out-of-stock donor. From the sounds of it, he's probably going to stay that way, but we are going to reach out to their DSR and the DSR to see if anyone out there in the world has any unused vials. We're willing to wait a little while to see what happens. Then, if it doesn't, it doesn't and we move on to plan 42, or whatever version we're on at this point.

By the way, you have to pay for the freaking DSR now? $50? Seriously? That seems a little steep for something that might be completely useless. Oh well. Should we put our donor # up on our blog and see what happens? It doesn't feel quite right, but we know bloggers who have donor siblings who also have blogs, so I guess it's a remote possibility. Perhaps with the exception of known donors, I feel like most people keep that information pretty close. Or do they? Do you? How liberal are you with your donor information??

We're going away tomorrow night for my 30th birthday weekend (it was 2 months ago, but the weekend is happening around a concert that's going on in Northampton). We stay in the fancy hotel in town, see a show, and then Saturday I get a spa day. Ahhhh yes. Should be a lovely way to wind down the long week.

So C. can do all the wistful posts about our dearly departed and the thought-provoking post about why we blog and I will post all the silly sweet pictures of little Theo. I mean, seriously, who does not want see my little muffinman dressed up as a chicken for Halloween. We tooled around Main St. in his wagon for a bit and he was never the wiser about the whole candy scene.

What else is going on in his life? Well, he started a baby gymnastics class and LOVED it. He goes with our babysitter, but I'm dying to take a day off of work just to see him do it. He starts swimming tomorrow, which I know he already loves. Going by the terrible smell of his breath, I think he's getting some molars - slowly. He's spending his first overnight with meme (grandmother) next weekend - mama and I have a date. He was a flower boy in a NYC city hall wedding last weekend - which was my second favorite day of the whole year, after his birthday party. He had a terrible rash in which we had to go to the pedi, but it cleared up - it was hard to see him in so much pain. He has a true love of cars, trucks and anything with wheels. He meows and arfs and says 'dis' for 'this'. He loves to eat - A LOT. He loves brussell sprouts but not pasta. He runs away from us whenever he can. He is a mischief maker extraordinaire. He is such a love.

Why We Blog

We started this blog 3 1/2 years ago when we began ttc. It was started because, at the time, we didn't think there was "anyone else out there" going through this process. Hahahahaha...were we ever wrong. What we found in the process certainly has kept us going even after we've achieved our goal of conceiving and birthing a child. 3 1/2 years ago, we could never have imagined that:

-There were a whole mess of other women out there doing the same thing we were
-We would grow very attached to a bunch of random strangers across the country and world
-We would leave NYC to live in Western Mass
-We would have a little Theo

But here we are all these years later. We're still blogging because our journey has not yet come to an end. That, and I could not imagine just cutting out of my life the journey of all those others we have grown attached to.

Man am I sounding corny tonight. In all seriousness, though, blogging has brought us much needed sanity, information, piece of mind, and a general sense of belonging we do not always get in the outside world. All this by sharing intimately personal information with an internet full of strangers.

Why do you blog?

Dia de los Muertos

Grampy worked his dream job ushering for the Boston Red Sox during spring training at their park in Ft. Myers, FL for nearly 15 years.

Grampy and Theo Memorial Day Weekend

In honor of the Day of the Dead, I thought I'd post some pictures of special people that we've lost over the past year. This past May, S. lost her grandmother who we called Meme, and in September I lost my grandfather, Grampy, to Pulmonary Fibrosis.

I'll let S. post about her own grandmother, but for me, I can say that my Grampy was at times cantankerous, but always had a mischievous twinkle in his eye, and great stories about growing up in East Boston in the 1930's. Born in 1929, he worked a variety of jobs in his lifetime, mainly around cars and automotive repair. He became the first authorized dealer of Honda Motorcyles on the East Coast in the 1960's, selling them before anyone knew what the Honda brand was. When I asked him why he started selling Hondas, he told me that he saw some celebrity on the Johnny Carson show talk about toodling around Hollywood on a Honda, and he was instantly intrigued. He loved us grandchildren very, very much, and of my son, remarked, "That's quite a kid you've got there," which from him is one of the greatest compliments.

We're gonna try this. Excited?

I dreamed a dream

I have temporarily satiated my little sick doodle bug with banana chips so I have about two minutes to type up a blog entry. I think I'm ready to talk.

After getting the official news of my negative pregnancy, I purchased a bag of Reeses Peanut Butter Cups and proceeded to eat about half the bag myself. (Yes, I am one of those. Thank goodness I haven't had to face much adversity in my life, because I'm pretty sure I'd be obese if I did.) I was pissed. I was angry. I was bewildered and infinitely sad. How could four perfectly good embryos not implant themselves successfully into my picture-perfect lining? It just seemed---unfair. Was this just the lot of my family---to have to jump over multiple hurdles and endure heartbreak after heartbreak before getting to baby? I would think once would be enough for any family to endure.

Alas, the heartbreak continues. Two mornings ago, in the foggy, vivid dreaming between snooze alarm hits, I dreamed I was three months pregnant. I was rubbing my belly. I was so happy. I did not want to wake up.

The fear behind trying again is that we do not have a Plan B for Baby B. Our frozen embryos from S.'s successful IVF cycle were our next and only plan. Our donor is "temporarily" unavailable, but who knows what that means. His specimens could be released tomorrow, or never. I am afraid to call the Bank to find out, because quite frankly, last time a representative was so rude to me that I ended up hanging up in tears. (I have to say this is an exception to the way we usually interact with this particular bank, but it was a bad one.)

So, now what?? IF....we cannot get the same donor, but still feel strongly about giving Theo a bio sibling, S. would have to give me her eggs, but according to our nurse, that is crazy expensive. If we do have the donor, do I then go through IUIs, or consider pouring the expense into again having S.'s eggs? We just don't know. I suppose the starting place is going to be our bank. It is highly likely that we are his only pregnancy, but as soon as we reported it to them, he "sold out." We never got the chance to stock up.

Jeesh, I sound like we went grocery shopping.

But seriously. I know we will figure this out, but mustering up the energy to do it seems impossible right now.

It's just not fair.

Our Wild Thing

"We'll eat you up-we love you so."

Definitely not pregnant.

Pregnancy Fail

We're watching "Khloe and Kourtney Take Miami" (there is seriously nothing on t.v. I don't even know why we're watching this garbage) and watched Kourtney Kardashian pee on 8 sticks and get a pregnant every time. Oopsies!

It makes me kind of sick.

I peed on a stick Friday morning. One lone, single pink line. So not pregnant.

Blood test tomorrow morning but we already know the answer this time.

Now what?

Shoe Dilemma Solved

I am nursing a killer shoulder right now--must have slept on it wrong (really, really wrong) last night because I can't turn my neck to look left! Yes, it's that bad. Hopefully some acupuncture treatment today will start kicking in soon.

So, since I was being the human pincushion this afternoon, S. took Theo to a kid's shoe store in town. The lady was apparently won-der-ful, a true whiz at measuring baby and kid feet. Much to our surprise, our little Theo's shoe size is officially (drum roll please): 6 extra-wide. Know what size the S.R. pair we had been jamming his feet into were? A 4!! No wonder the kid could barely walk in them. It's like when you get measured for a bra for-reals and you had been wearing a 36 C but you're actually a 40 EEE or something...So, there were only two pairs of that crazy size in the store, so S. settled on a nice pair of brown leather sneaker-type Stride Rites. I think they are from their "Sensory Response Technology" line. Cute, but the downside is they are tie, not velcro (boo).

I appreciate all the suggestions. We actually love the See Kai Runs. They fit his feet great--we had some sandals of theirs he wore all summer long. For some reason, though, we could not find any we really liked in our neck of the woods. Plus, I think he really needed his feet measured.

So, lesson learned. Bring your fat-footed kid to a shoe store, with people who actually know what they're talking about to help. Then drop more money on his shoes than you ever wold for yourself.

Fat-footed girls (and boys) you make the rockin' world go 'round

Switching topics...I decided that wallowing in the tww is a drag, so..

I'm looking for advice from mamas with large babies. Our babe, though lovable, is a tad on the big side, especially in the feet area. They're pretty wide but, moreover, they are stacked. Like, little fat pockets. So fitting his tootsies into shoes has been challenging. So far, we've been able to only fit his feet into soft shoes (Bobux, Robeez, etc.). We tried jamming his foot into some Converse All-Star high-tops to no avail (his heels would just not get in there right!), and we have a pair of Stride Rite velcro jobs. Well, Sunday we put the S.R. pair on him and suddenly, he just started bawling. I mean, crying. We took him out of the stroller to let him walk around and burn off some steam, but he crumpled to a heap to the ground screaming. It was kind of scary, to be honest. Then his grandmother was like, take that kid's shoes off! And sure enough, he gradually calmed down. His feet must have fallen asleep all squished inside his sausage casing like that.

So, the question---what shoes to put on the now-walker's feet? Something ergonomically, podiatrically (not word, I know) correct. Brands, kinds, sizes? Anything non-smooshy please.

In the Still of the Night

After a day of fireworks down there on Friday, there has been much stillness in the ute. Of course, as I am typing this, I'm beginning to feel a mild something-or-other down there begin, but all weekend, it was pretty darn quiet. I think the time for implantation has passed, so I'm really hoping the the yo-yos decided to snuggle on down into my lovely triple-layer lining.

I keep thinking of what I will think about myself if this transfer doesn't do the job. Will it mean I am truly infertile, and there is something seriously wrong with me? Because think about it. I have now had 4 perfectly perfect, healthy embryos transferred into my body. I know it's only twice, but seriously---how could it not work if my reproductive system was working the way it is supposed to? S. got pregnant with one embryo, one time. (Yes, granted, this was after 14 failed insems, but still--the embryo went in, and Theo came out.)

I need to stop thinking about what a failure my uterus is because, really, hello, I am only halfway through the tww. I don't test until next Sunday. That's like, an entire week! So I am thinking winning thoughts, jobs well done. No symptoms be damned--stranger things have certainly happened.

Post-transfer delirium

So since transfer day, which went very smoothly--both defrosted, both put back--I was on mandatory bed rest. Well, S. mandated I stay home from school an extra day and "lie down!" I tried--and I mostly succeeded. The idea of staying home in pjs and lying on the couch from the beginning of the day to the end sounds romantic, but in practice my busy mind is wandering to the many other places and things I could be doing at that moment--correcting papers; cooking; doing laundry; making the bed. I finally gave up and washed some diapers and compromised by plopping down in the unmade bed for an unexpected nap (I wasn't even tired when I went down, I swear!) that lasted 2 1/2 hours. Yikes.

Back to work today and things felt fine. I have to say I have been feeling some "twinges" and am hoping that's a good thing. More acupuncture today made me feel cleansed and mellow--hoping the cool, calm demeanor will rub off on my uterus.

No heavy lifting, no lawn mowing or kitty box scooping (yes!)--I'm barely picking up my own son. He's a heavy doodle these days, so I just let him walk everywhere and climb the stairs on his own and let S. lift him into things like high chairs and cribs.

2 days down, 9 to go.

Transfer the Second

We had Transfer #2 today--both frozen embryos thawed, both were put back. Yikes. Well, it was "yikes" last time and nothing much came of it, so we'll take our chances on yikes.

The lab tech, as she handed us our "certificate" of embryo thaw, said, "and that's it--you've cleaned out the freezer." No more chances. No more embryos (for now). That's that. It feels so--final. But...I had an acupuncture appointment immediately afterward to clear my body of rejection, hopefully, and make the uterus oh-so warm, fuzzy, and welcoming to the embryo guests who will hopefully be settling down for a long term visit.

And now....we wait. You know how it goes. I'm hoping the recent positives out there in lady-land rub off and mean good things for us over here. Everything's crossed on this one.

An Elegy

"The Lake Isle of Innisfree"
by William Butler Yeats

I will arise and go now, and go to Innisfree,
And a small cabin build there, of clay and wattles made:
Nine bean-rows will I have there, a hive for the honeybee,
And live alone in the bee-loud glade.
And I shall have some peace there, for peace comes dropping slow,
Dropping from the veils of the morning to where the cricket sings;
There midnight's all a glimmer, and noon a purple glow,
And evening full of the linnet's wings.
I will arise and go now, for always night and day
I hear lake water lapping with low sounds by the shore;
While I stand on the roadway, or on the pavements grey,
I hear it in the deep heart's core.

For my Grampy--Lake lover and dweller extraordinaire.
August 24, 1929 - September 19, 2009

Grampy and I at his house on Lake Winnepesaukee

Plea for (estrogen patch) Help

I'm sending some feelers out there in the lovely ttc/ivf world to see if anyone by chance has any estrogen patches with an imminent expiration date hanging around. Getting ready for transfer #2 and need the damn things that the clinic had previously been supplying to me free of charge. Who knew they cost $14 a pop? Without insurance covering anything, they are over $375 for a box of 40. Now, who the heck knows how long I'll need them for, and I sure as hell am not going to plop down that amount of cashish only to be not pregnant and not need them and out of the money to boot.

Soooo....I thought I'd try this. I'm going to buy enough to get me through the tww and a little beyond. But I know that we had a crapload leftover after S.'s IVF, and just let them expire. So, so sad--if we had known how expensive they were, we would have quickly donated them.

Many thanks and probably some homemade gift of thank you if anyone by chance is willing and able to donate some.

Because who couldn't use a laugh?

Growing, changing, cleaning

We are god-awful bloggers. The school year's start always knocks us back on our asses for a bit, but then suddenly around weeks 2-3 or so, we look around and feel like, hey, we're actually in a routine of sorts here, which gets us motivated to start at things yet again. For instance, this weekend, we "real cleaned" our whole house (as opposed to fake cleaning where we just pick up and wash a couple of toilets--we're talking the full royal treatment of dusting, vacuuming, picking up, laundry and even re-caulking the bathtub! Woo hoo!). It felt--oddly good. And hey, what else is there to do, really, on a rainy fall afternoon?

Oh, I love saying that...fall afternoon...the phrase just makes me feel gooey inside.

I am such a New England girl, as is S. I heart fall with all its New England magnificence--the apples, the last-of-the-season crops and canning and freezing the harvest, the leaves, the crisp weather, the sweaters. Oh me oh my. Wrap me up in a warm sweater on a sunny, crisp day, point me to some maple trees blazing orange, and put a cup of warm apple cider in my hand and I'm yours.

Though fall is the season where everything prepares for dying, for hibernating, for hunkering down, we're ready to do TTC #2 imminently. Flo finally showed (wasn't sure she would show up on time after last month), and I was cleared to try another transfer with our last remaining two embryos. To say I feel some pressure is an understatement. But...I am trying to keep my cool. I feel great right now. Of course, it's day 2, so naturally I would. As the transfer date nears, assuming all goes well with body, I'm sure I'll be much less cool.

Other thoughts drifting through my mind include: H1N1 vaccine? Anyone getting it? Anyone getting it for their kiddos? We are fairly certain that Theo will not be getting one, and are not sure of ourselves. Luckily for us, he is the only baby at his babysitter's house, but he does go into S.'s school a fair amount. Hmm..what to do, what to do...

Then there's Theo's inevitable bloom into a baby-toddler. Not quite a toddler yet, though toddling is his preferred method of transportation. His first haircut happened last weekend (his cute curls of summer were starting to turn into a rat tail). He babbles and does his version of talking non-stop, is signing away, and out of the blue learned to shake his head "yes." No idea where that one came from!

I wouldn't dream of leaving you without any pics of our burgeoning baby-toddler, so below, Theo on haircut day (free chop courtesy of Meme, S.'s mom and Theo's beloved grandmother. She cut all her kids hair and continues to give free haircuts to anyone who asks!). It was a traumatizing day for us, we won't lie...

Theo pre-cut. Cute whisps, but they get scraggly.

Figuring out the comb.

Mid-cut. We kept him still with crackers.

The final result! Such a big boy, it broke our hearts for a while.

So, where was I?

Remember I said in my last post that I was "getting my body ready for try #2"? Yes. Well. We spent the last few days in NYC eating up a storm. Please, allow me to reveal to you my oh-so healthy diet over the past 4 days.

Breakfasts:
Bagels and cream cheese x3
Coffees (I at least made them decaf!)
Goat cheese & leek crepe

Lunches:
Pork soup dumplings, scallion pancakes, hot & sour soup
Leftover Indian food
Turkey sandwich with nitrate-laden lunch meat

Dinners:
Lamb sandwich & fries
Chicken sandwich & fries
Indian food
Dagwood sandwiches & grilled corn

Desserts:
Grilled peaches & vanilla ice cream
Rice pudding
Ben & Jerry's Cherry Garcia bar

Yeah. I know some very health-conscious and wicked awesome people are chronicling their adventures in smoothy-and juicy-ness right now, and I am jealous. Like, maybe I should be doing what they're doing, making my body a baby-making temple and all that. But whenever we go back to visit NYC, our visits center on all the awesome food we can only get there and NEED to eat and that doesn't exist in Western Mass. So, now that I've gotten all that out of my system, I am vowing to eat either from my garden, Trader Joe's, or the farmer's market. Any other suggestions for getting me fertile and squeaky-clean?

Well, you're probably wondering what the hell is going on, right? Right. Sorry I disappeared there. I thought I really wanted to share all this, but then I didn't, but now I do again. Confused? So am I.

See, S. and I decided that this summer would be the perfect time to do try to knock me up for the first time. No schedule, no work, no classes, us being teachers and all. We decided a while back that I would be using some of the frozen embryos from S.'s IVF that produced Theo. The sibling would be 100% biologically related, and that meant a lot to both of us. Plus, our donor isn't currently available, so the plan was perfect. Our RE looooved this idea, thought it was great and fabulous and awesome. And, so did we.

So we did it. We had to manipulate my body with birth control pills, but eventually my hormones cooperated, my protocol was followed, and a transfer ensued. Two embryos, by the way, because they are frozen in pairs. Yes, we were petrified of twins, but forged ahead.

And..guess what? I got pregnant!!! And guess what? Now I am not.

I got a great beta number 11 dpt (they were 3-day embryos), then the next beta, not so much. In the meantime, I started cramping a bit, and there was an eeensy-weensy bit of spotting. This is, of course, the day before we are to leave for vacation. Go figure.

We went ahead and left for vacation anyway, and I ended up getting another beta down in RI. The number wasn't good. It was over. I stopped my meds, my patches, and let nature tell me what was going to happen next.

And then it did. Painfully. I was most definitely not pregnant. The beautiful lining I'd been building up for weeks and weeks, plus the implanted embryos, all left me. But it was quick--the bleeding stopped after just 3 days or so. Was it a miscarriage? S. would call it so, but for me, I am loathe to call it that. It was so early, just 4 weeks or so. The word doesn't seem to fit. But, I don't know what else to say, other than--I was pregnant, now I am not.

So now what? Well, we're getting over it (I think we're both fine now), and waiting for my hcg to go back to baseline so I can get the all clear to try again. I am panicked and nerve-wracked over this. We have one more pair of embryos frozen, but the what-if monster keeps running through my head--what-if this doesn't work? Will Theo ever get a sibling? What-if the donor is never available again? What-if, what-if, what-if....

But then again..I got pregnant. Now I know my body can be pregnant. Can it stay pregnant? So...what-if it works this time? I have to stay positive (NOT in my nature, but I'm trying) and just go with the flow, I think.

There is my news. I'm sorry to share it so late. We told literally 3 people about the transfer. I didn't want to have to back track. And as it turned out, I'm glad we told no one, as the backtracking would have been necessary.

Fingers crossed as I get my body prepared for try #2.

I have a lot of things to say and get off my chest-yes, we did something, something happened, but probably not what you're thinking (sorry to be so cryptic--S. is right, I am the quiet one), but right now it's still vacation and I'm not ready to talk yet. So, in the meantime, I will regale you all with photos of what has been a near-perfect week at the beach. Our first week in RI, we stayed in a miniscule cottage on a gorgeous salt-water pond but with voracious mosquitos; now, we are at my parents' summer home in RI, which they haven't used in 15 years because they've been renting it out. This year they reclaimed it for their own personal use. It's still a work in progress, but it's nice to be back here after so many absent summers.

Proof of the fun:


Kayaking on the saltwater pond where our cottage was (S. and I both dumped ourselves out of our respective kayaks on the shore--idiots!)


In the beach pool--Theo was a little intimidated by the shoreline, but loves splashing around in the water and crawling in the sand


Sunset on the beach



Headed down the sand bank



Dinner on the beach at sunset

Theo-boy has at least two enduring loves in his life so far--water and wheels. He'd take wheels over water anytime, but if there's water on the way to his wheels, well, then, that's another matter. If he can have both at once, I daresay he'd be blissfully happy. Someday, I'm sure he'll get a kick out of going through a carwash. For now, we set up a kiddie pool on our patio, and he usually stops and splashes about for a bit en route to the wheels--aka the cars in our driveway. Below, examples of said loves.

Splashing in the pool


Checking out the car


Ouchies bare feet on the driveway (he never seems to care much that there are hundreds of tiny rocks puncturing his feet, but we do!)


Stud-man on Uncle Pete and Aunt Stacey's beloved Subaru. Whose kid is this? Future mechanic? It would come in handy seeing as we just blew $700 on new brakes for our other car.

The Mammas are Amazed

Well, we've finally hit the big one. You know, the big ONE--to the surprise of exactly no one except his mammas, Theodore Lee turns one-year-old today. I know, I know--I won't say much new here that other mammas with suddenly and unexpected one-year-olds haven't already said, but what the....? A year? Seriously? I mean, my baby is a...a...boy. A little, trouble-making boy.

So, what does our one-year-old little boy do? Well, no words yet, except for the usual "Mama" or "Mom" sounds, and "Uh-oh!" when something isn't quite going his way (like right now, he really, really wants the door to the baby gate to open but the darn thing seems to be locked somehow..."Uh-oh!") He does talk, however, and quite emphatically. Something along the lines of "Ahh doo nuh nuh DAAAHH DOOOOW!" He also speaks Parseltongue. (If you never read any Harry Potter, this will make no sense to you whatsoever). I swear when he's looking at his bottle, he whispers sweet nothings to it in a language only he and Voldemort can understand.

He brushes his teeth and can point to his head, mouth, and belly. He does not walk, but cruises ad infinitum and crawls at breakneck pace. If there are a garagefull of toys in the yard, he will completely ignore all the ones that don't have wheels, and then make a bee-line to the gravel driveway where he'll often stand in bare feet (um, ouchies) and do laps around our cars. That boy loves him some big wheels.

I could go on and on about the things he does that exactly no one else would find interesting except for us, so I'll just stop it all and again stare in disbelief at my one-year-old and be continually awed by his progress and stare in wonder as I attempt to catch just one single moment of him today--turning a year. Happy Birthday (no-longer-baby) Theo!